AITA for canceling a trip because my friends changed the plan to something I couldn’t afford?
I think ruined a group trip that was planned for months and even though I feel terrible about it, there’s nothing I could do.
I and two friends went on a group trip January 2025 and it was so fun that by September we started talking about planning another for 2026. So we did but then we realized that the plans we had for the trip would require a group of four and since we were three, one of us decided to bring in another friend of hers which we all accepted. This was towards the end of November and preparations was going well until one day in December, the new girl suggested that we change our original destination to someplace else because our original destination wouldn’t be ideal for the trip of four. The friend that brought her in supported her and the other opposed with me so we were 2:2 until it became 1:3 few days later leaving me as the only one opposing the destination change.
I made my case to them, that I couldn’t afford to spend nearly double of what my initial budget was and the new plan was going to extend into a new week whereas the former was for weekend only. I suggested to opt out but was told that would ruin the plan of four.
Yes, if I could I wouldn’t object to a destination change because the new destination was honestly better but I made it clear that I couldn’t. I even spoke to each of my two friends private but plans weren’t going to change anymore. This went on for weeks until they really made it clear I was a minority vote so I told them I plan to cancel because I couldn’t afford the trip and I wasn’t willing to go above my means. This was two weeks to the proposed date. Getting decent accommodation in two weeks proved very difficult, only found one that wasn’t up to standard a few days later so the trip was officially cancelled because “there’s no need to accept a place like that when the trip was already ruined because all the plans made for the trip was for a group of four”. So technically I think i ruined the trip.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
bestgmomever wrote:
NTA, technically, the friends ruined the trip by not allowing you to stay on budget.
OP responded:
Not sure they will see it that way!
waluvian wrote:
You didn’t ruin the trip, they did by pushing forward with the change after you said you could not do it. They could have agreed to the original plan, or let you bow out of the change and found another fourth, but instead they tried to make you do something you couldn’t afford, these are not good friends and they care more about what they can get from you then they care about you and your well-being.
OP responded:
I asked to opt out and it was like a big problem. They thought I’ll accept the change with time.
zealous-idealbag4273 wrote:
NTA- you didn’t ruin their trip, I’d say they 100% ruined yours. They also told you exactly how they feel about you without saying anything. They don’t care if you can’t afford something if they can all have a better experience, they are willing to put you in financial trouble so they can have the trip they want.
None of these people are your friends. I’d recommend still going on a vaca if it’s something you love, as I personally love vacations, but I’d go with a different friend or even alone over these AHs.
OP responded:
Wow. Your first sentence is an eye opener for me because I never even thought of that!!
mizzlemoonn wrote:
NTA this isn’t the kind of decision that gets a majority vote, everyone involved needs to agree to the plans. If they were so adamant about their new destination they should have just found a new fourth instead of trying to bully you into going.
OP responded:
Thank you. It was simple.
whatisakafka wrote:
NTA you made the issue clear to them in advance, they could have reverted back to the original plan that you agreed with and instead they tried to guilt-trip you into spending above your means. These are bad friends. They ruined the trip.
OP responded:
Thank you. Even after speaking to my friends individually it didn’t change a thing. Glad to get this off my chest.
espressothenwine wrote:
NTA. They changed the plan. You can afford what you can afford – literally anyone should be able to understand this. Also, it isn’t your fault that this planning process dragged on. I would be booking accommodations at least three months before the trip to ensure you have a good selection (So in September).
December isn’t the time to change the destination for a trip in January, the planning was late and the places they wanted to stay at the new destination were apparently booked up – that was the main reason they had to cancel the trip, you were not the main reason. I hope no one is blaming you because you ALL started too late on the planning.
OP responded:
Honestly, the timing and panning for the first destination wasn’t an issue. We only started slow rolling after the change.
bubbleman96815 wrote:
NTA. You bailing may have killed the trip, but you told them 2X the cost wasn’t in your budget from the start. I guess you could’ve bailed out a lot sooner than two weeks before the trip, but I still don’t think YTA.
OP responded:
Yes, I probably should’ve have seriously walked away sooner but remember I asked to opt out and it wasn’t accepted.
additional-line-724 wrote:
NTA. If you can’t afford something, you can’t afford it. In addition, once something changes about a trip, it’s socially acceptable for someone to change their RSVP and plans. I used do it all the time, because some people didn’t consider my disabilities and chronic illnesses when they decide to change group plans. Eventually I was sick of not being considered and found new friends.
OP responded:
Thank you for this!
chonkosaurusrex wrote:
You added the fourth person because the plans for the original destination would require four people, but then the destination wouldn’t be ideal for four people, so you should change the destination? What changed?
