AITAH for no longer wanting to continue a 10+ year friendship due to how she reacted to my pregnancy?
I have been best friends with her since elementary school, I am 24F and she is 23F now. I recently found out I was pregnant at the beginning of January with my boyfriend of 3 years. We have been living together for over a year as well. Although it wasn’t planned, a drunk night happened and here we are now. My boyfriend and I are very excited to welcome this new baby by September this year if everything goes well. My family is also extremely supportive as well and they are happy.
Now onto the story with my friend. I was hesitant on telling her the news from the start since we have previously talked/judged people who get pregnant before marriage. Now I’m in this exact position, very hypocritical of me right? I know. I had to sit with this for a while, trying to open my perspectives on different things. I used to judge people for a lot of things I wouldn’t do, but then again, who am I to judge people for what they like or want to do their lives? It’s not my place. I’ve come to terms with that recently and I’m trying to be more positive about everything. My friend however, I’ve always felt that she’s been super negative about everything in general.
When I finally told her, her reaction was immediate disappointment and disapproval of my actions. I almost felt like I was being scolded by my own parents (which they did not do at all, they took it very well). I didn’t want approval from my friend, I just wanted someone who would be there for me and still support no matter what, just as I had supported her in decisions she has made that I did not approve of. The difference between her and I, is that I never expressed that I was disappointed in her for doing certain things like going back to an extremely toxic ex. At the end of day, that is her decision and it is not my place to tell her what she can’t and can do.
She never once asked me if I was okay and or how I was doing and that really hurt. Instead, she just judged me. When I expressed that I’m in a good place in my life where I am in a stable relationship, I have a good job, and a supportive family – I felt like she took offense to that in a way? She had said “you’re lucky you have a dad who financially can provide to you at all times !”, That to me, felt like a stab in the back. Not once did I mention anything about my father. She also mentioned that she feels that she values our friendship more than I do. That hurt as well because it’s simply not true.
I stopped responding to her after a bit of going back and forth, seeing that the conversation was not getting anywhere. She kept reaching out a few days after apologizing and saying that how she feels doesn’t matter and that if I’m happy then she’s happy. To me, this just felt like she was trying to salvage what was left between us solely because we had been friends for so long and she knows that I am not afraid to cut people out of my life as well.
Now I want to add some more background to our friendship. I’ve been told by multiple people that she is extremely possessive/territorial of me, especially when she sees how I interact with my other close friends who were my roommates in college. She is also not the best at taking accountability for certain things. When she would ask me if she was in the wrong during an argument with one of her boyfriends at the time, I would be honest of course and tell her yes or no. When she was in the wrong, she never wanted to hear it. She would also constantly tell me that I was really her only friend back home and that she had no one, that she was very lonely. I’ve found out recently that that is a lie, I’ve seen her post on social media lately that she is hanging out with groups of girls and going on trips with them. Where were they before? I felt like she was always guilt tripping me into hanging out with her when I would visit my family and she would make me feel bad if I couldn’t hang out with her while I was there. One time, I had to ask if we could move up our plans earlier because something had come up, she canceled the plans all together and was basically like “forget it”. She then proceeded to tell me the next day that she “journaled about it”. Very odd to me.
I remember when I told her that I was moving in with my boyfriend after graduation from college, she told me “I think you’re stupid for doing the at”. I didn’t ask for her opinion once. There’s just so much that I’ve been reflecting on lately that has happened between us and I’m sure I haven’t been the perfect friend as well. But I can’t help but feel as if I am outgrowing her. She reached out again after my first ultrasound saying that she hopes everything went well and that she hopes that I still want to be friends with her. I said I do, but if I’m being honest, I’m not really sure if I want to anymore. Our conversations have been short since then.
