“AITA for not making my kid do a sleepover?”
My nephew (9M), Josh, invited my son (14M), Liam, to sleep over at his house. Liam talked to me about it and said he really didn’t want to go. His younger cousin kind of annoys him, and he didn’t feel comfortable doing a sleepover with someone five years younger. I told him no problem, just tell Josh no thank you, and I thought that was the end of it.
That weekend, we had a family get-together, and Liam asked if he could skip it and go to a friend’s house instead. I said yes. When we arrived at my sister’s house, she asked where Liam was. I told her he’d gone to his friend’s house. She immediately started screaming at me, calling me selfish and entitled, and saying how dare I treat her son this way. She said I was teaching my kids to disrespect hers.
I was completely blindsided and had no idea what she was talking about. Then it came out that Josh had been extremely excited about the sleepover. They had set up a movie screen with mattresses in the loft, bought special treats, and Josh had been telling everyone all week that he was having a sleepover with his big cousin.
I started apologizing and explained that Liam and I had talked about it, that he wasn’t comfortable with the sleepover, and that I thought he had let Josh know it wasn’t happening.
That’s when my sister said, “Oh, he did say he didn’t want to, but I told him he has to. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices for family, so no was not an acceptable answer. The sleepover is happening.”
I said, “Wait a second, that’s not okay.” My kids know they’re allowed to set boundaries that feel right for them. They don’t have to do things they’re uncomfortable with just to prevent someone else from being disappointed.
She then completely went off on me, screaming in my face that I could f-off with my f-ing boundaries, that nobody gets to disappoint her kids, that I’m evil and shallow, and that I don’t deserve to be in her life. She said she would never forgive me for this.
I burst into tears, took my other kids, and left. I went to pick up Liam and asked him to show me the messages between him and Josh. Since Josh doesn’t have his own phone, they were messaging on my sister’s phone.
Reading through the messages, I could see that Liam had politely declined the sleepover invitation five times. Each time, my sister told him he couldn’t say no and that the sleepover was happening. Liam said he didn’t know how to handle it, which is why he asked to go to his friend’s house instead.
Now I’m completely confused and upset because my sister has gone to the whole family, who are now angry with me. They’re saying I should have made Liam do the sleepover and that it’s true, we make sacrifices for family. My brother even said I’m teaching Liam to be selfish and entitled.
Some friends agree with me, but others say, “Poor Josh, he’s only little. You should have made Liam do the sleepover. He would’ve gotten over it quicker than Josh would get over that kind of rejection.” So now I don’t know which way is up. AITA for letting Liam make that call, or am I teaching him to be selfish and entitled?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Responsible-Pie-5666 says:
How odd that your sister argued with a child over text instead of communicating with the parents.
Tapioca1029 responded:
OMG how did I not see this before! She’s been coercing a minor to do something he’s not comfortable with, and keeping me out of the equation, then blaming me when it blew up.
RoyallyOakie says:
NTA…your sister can’t take “no thanks” for an answer and has passed that trait down to her child. You’re not the one with entitlement issues.
xziggy72x says:
NTA. So according to your sister, everyone has to respect Josh’s wishes and what he wants, yet no one has to give the same respect to Liam’s wishes?
What do you think?
