I (31M) have been with my wife (28F) for seven years, and we have one child together (3M). Ever since we had our child, I became a stay-at-home parent since she had a job that paid more and daycare is too expensive to afford. I don’t mind staying home with the kiddo, and even then I was working part time for some extra cash.
About four months ago, she came to me and told me she was thinking about a divorce and that she had found herself attracted to someone else. When she told me, it hurt a lot. I was working whenever I had free time and was the only one who really cleaned the house, so maybe I was neglecting her in some way with how little time I had between work, cleaning, and taking care of our child.
We decided to try couples counseling and see if that would help. While we were waiting for counseling to happen, she continued to hang out and spend time with the person she was attracted to, even after I told her how it didn’t make me feel good that she chose to spend time with this guy when we already had so little time together. I just bit my tongue and waited for the appointment.
The day of the couples counseling appointment came, and to summarize what was said: I was doing everything and carrying the burden on my shoulders while she was just bringing in the paycheck. She needed to help with tasks such as cleaning and watching the kiddo sometimes to give me a break. Also, if she wanted the relationship to work, she would have to end the relationship she had with the guy she was attracted to.
Afterward, she actually started helping around the house, and things began to feel easier, like we were finally getting back on track. My issue is that everything the counselor said is stuff I had said word for word before.
When I begged for help, when I had several nights where I got little to no sleep, days where I set things up to do and she would rather go to sleep. I feel like I gave everything to this relationship and family so we could all be happy. With no disrespect to the counselor who helped us, why does she only listen to a stranger we just met and not me when I’ve been saying this for several years?
I’m not sure if this is even a genuine fix to our relationship or just something temporary that will go back to how it was in a couple of weeks. Part of me wants to just end the relationship and get the divorce like she originally wanted. What do you think, AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Ornery-Evening-1566 says:
NTA sometimes the outcome of couples counseling is realizing you want to end the relationship.
Sebscreen says:
NTA. The counselling was not for nothing, it made you realize that, despite being told otherwise by a cheater intent on making you doubt yourself, you were right all along. You are absolutely valid if you want away from a partner who openly cheats on you, doesn’t respect you, and doesn’t help out. You have a good chance at decent child support and alimony since you are the primary caregiver and gave up your job to raise her child.
mdthomas says:
I mean, I would have dropped the counseling after she still interacted with the person she was attracted to. She had already made her choice at that point. NTA.
2dogslife says:
Honestly, couples counselling is only successful like 10-15% of the time. By the time therapy is on the table, there’s too much anger and bitterness and bad habits to turn a relationship around. You tried. Kudos. Now you get to determine what’s next.
