I do a great job of covering my tracks with my affair partner, but also haven’t seemed to need to do it because my wife works all the time and we do have a great love life so I would be shocked if she even suspected I was doing what I was doing. That’s why I’m losing my mind right now.
I come home from work yesterday and usually my wife gets home about 30 minutes after I do. When I realized it’s getting late, I called and got no answer. I check our room and her things are gone.
She left the house completely untouched, just took all her clothes but left no note. I can’t get in touch with her through phone, email, her friends won’t answer. She must know right? Which, then why wouldn’t she ask me? Who finds out and just leaves? Is it possible she doesn’t know and left for someone else?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
COrt24
She knows.
Ok-Extension-5008
Your reaction to this whole scenario is ridiculous. You cheated. You got caught. You gambled and lost this round. Unfortunately your (soon to be ex) wife doesn’t owe you anymore respect or loyalty than what you’ve shown toward her. I also think you have a lot of nerve to call her behavior sociopathic.
The fact that she was immediately done without wanting to attempt reconciliation makes me think you may have not been the greatest husband yourself. It sounds like she has no reason to fight for you or your relationship.
It’s done. You have proven to her that you aren’t the type of partner she wants and apparently she wasn’t the one for you either. Once things have settled this would be a good time to self reflect on what you actually want out of a relationship and if monogamy or ENM is more your thing.
throwaway__008 (OP)
I found out what happened now from her mom. One of my wife’s interns works a second job at the hotel where AP and I met… 3 towns away. But my wife had a picture of us on her phone screen so she recognized me. After that I guess she called my wife the next we were there and my wife stopped in to confirm then left. What’s getting to me is that this was in March. I never saw any changes in her.
Later the same day, the OP returned with an update.
I had no idea this would get so much input but it has helped and I appreciate it. I’ve been here a while but this was my first time posting and it has helped me vent and process, so thank you. Also if I’m being honest I’m sure that the attention or engagement has helped me cope a little.
I finally talked to my wife this afternoon. I’ve been in our house since Thursday night by myself pretty much clueless as to what was going on until her mother (who she has very little contact with) reached out to me. I was caught. I have been caught since March.
Wife texted me today saying she had intended to contact me through a lawyer and just let the divorce do the talking but since her mother decided to contact me she would answer any questions I had if I had a desire to speak to her. Clearly I did.
I asked her why she stayed around after she knew and how she just lied to me like that. She said it wasn’t her intention (??) but she shut down to figure out what she needed to do regarding our relationship and herself.
At the end she said something like she realized she still loves me but doesn’t respect me and she said she thinks that I love her but don’t respect her either so we should go our separate ways.
She already got her job to move her to the city she’s been asking me to move to for a long time now and said she’d like to sell me her half of the house if I want it if not we can list it. But I guess our lawyers will handle that paperwork and I still have no idea if I want our house without her in it.
I’m glad I talked to her but I’m sad at how moved on she is. She did cry a little but then stopped. I asked for therapy and she said I should have asked for that when I realized I had impulse control issue. I’ve been drinking for 48 hours now and sorry for the rant. I don’t think it’s losing her that’s hurting but losing like this.
The OP later returned to panic in the comments.
throwaway__008 (OP)
This is not what I want. How do I not go through this. I wouldn’t have done it if I thought she’d find out. Sorry I’m just desperate. I. Need to fix it because I need to know how she even found out.
Son_of_Riffdog
Ok, what did you think would happen if/when she found out? Were you dissapointed that she didn’t scream and cry and play the pick me game? She found out and decided it was a deal breaker on her end… you got off easy.
No arguing, screaming & crying. No therapy or MC to sit through and pay for. Probably took those months to stash some cash, find a place or another guy. Don’t hink there is any fixing this.
throwaway__008 (OP)
Maybe a little. Don’t know why I felt that way. But yeah I guess I wanted to see some kind of reaction. I know it doesn’t make sense but it’s just how I feel. She makes most of the money so that’s another kick in the nuts…
I’ll basically have to ask her for some kind of support to keep living the kind of lifestyle we’ve been living. I wish she would fight me. Seems like she’s willing to let everything go including her own money just to avoid me and it’s making me feel like I don’t know her.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
updownclown68
OP calls his wife the sociopath for knowing about the affair and hiding it, while he was doing the exact same thing…
Lighthouse_on_Mars
Lol, how DARE she take her time and process what was happening and move on. 😂
2gigch1
How DARE she pretend to not know I was cheating? How could she lie to me like that? And why the hell isn’t the world revolving around me like I expect it to? This is VERY unfair!
NotThatUsefulAPerson
OP sounds like a cartoon villain. How people can do the mental gymnastics to make the victim into the problem like that is beyond me.
FoxySlyOldStoatyFox
It’s pretty easy. Because he’s got two choices. The first option is to face up to the fact that he’s blown everything, it’s all his own fault, he’s a bad person, and he deserves zero sympathy. Oh, and that everyone will know all of this, beyond doubt.
The second option option is that he’s the real victim and deserves sympathy. Sure, there’s no evidence for the second option. But the first option is wildly uncomfortable to face up to – plus he’s so used to lies and deception that the only person remaining that he hasn’t lied to yet is… himself.
