Everyone in this post are over age 30. I am engaged to my fiance. I am Asian and he’s white. In my culture we have what’s called a bride price. It’s an agreed upon (by both parties) amount of money the groom pays to the bride’s parents or a sibling if parents are deceased.
In my culture our weddings lasts 2 days and it’s long and tedious so I’ve made it clear to my fiance from the beginning that we’d be having an American wedding instead and he’s fine with it. My sister thinks we are having a wedding in my culture despite me telling her at least twice in the past it’ll be an American wedding.
Long background short: all my many siblings basically left the burden of taking care of our parents onto not too long after I finished high school. My dad is passed for over a decade now so it’s just been my mom and me. They neither extended a helping hand nor barely helped even when my mom asked them for just errands for her and always deferred it back to me.
Even when my elderly mom had a stroke and needed 24/7 care I told them I will need help. They all say they’ll help but don’t. Even my brother who lived with us at the time barely helped. My mom is in a nursing home now getting proper care as she also developed dementia after her stroke. My mom of course cannot handle finances.
My sister messaged me the other day and wedding planning came up and she mentioned the wedding in my culture since fiance and I haven’t really planned anything as a wedding is not priority. I told her I won’t be having a wedding in my culture because none of my siblings deserves the money.
She told me she “deserves” the money because she helped take care of me when I was younger (8 year age gap between us) Spoiler: she got married not too long after finishing high school and moved out of state to live with her husband so she literally only helped my parents babysit me here and there until maybe I was 10 or not even 10.
Y’all my brain stalled and I could not think of where the audacity came from and every time I think of it I still can’t wrap my mind around the entitlement so now wedding plans changed and she is no longer invited and won’t know any of my plans either.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
_Foolish_ said:
You should record the conversation, or keep screenshots of emails and texts. Then go “mom is still alive. In our culture, a bride price goes to the parents first and then only if they’ve BOTH passed would you even be considered. Shame on you for wishing for our mother to die so you could get some money. If there was a bride price to be paid, it would be to mom, and to pay off any bills for her care.”
vosot said:
I think we both might be from the same culture. Your sister doesn’t deserve anything. She is not entitled to anything. When I married, my partner and I did not have a traditional wedding. However, we still paid my bride price even though he was from outside of the culture — $5,800.
They kept $800 and regifted the remaining money back to us along with a bunch of other gifts. I have a feeling your sister wouldn’t do the same. It’s unfortunate she sees you as a cash cow instead of a sister.
justrytounderstand said:
Tell her that your husband’s culture is different and, as a matter of respect to his culture, you are not going to ask him to pay the bride price money. Do not argue further, invite her to the wedding.
Inevitable_Lake4801 said:
If I were you I would buy something nice for my mom and tell my siblings that was paid with the bride price money as my mother is still alive.
Remarkable-Code-3237 said:
Tell her again that you are having an American wedding where it is common for the bride’s family pays for it. Ask her how much is she going to give towards your wedding.
awaldmeister said:
My wife is Chinese. When we got married (in China) there was no way I had money for a Bride Price or dowry as I call it. Somehow my wife’s family were fine with it. Instead my MIL just tells everyone I gave them 40,000 euro (I’m not from the EU.. so also funny). Maybe you could also tell everyone your fiance gave money given the continued support of your mother? Anyway just thought I’d share.
Express-Educator4377 said:
Tell her the bride price had been given to your mother for her care over the years.
MarionberryPlus8474 said:
Your sister is greedy. She’d be lucky to get an invite, let alone “bride price.”
