Hi everyone! I (27F) am getting married to my fiancé (27M) next July. We got engaged 4 years ago and wedding planning has been going well in general apart from my friend’s reactions/ involvement with the planning process, in particular my one friend, who I will be calling Eloise. Eloise (28F) and I have been friends since school.

When I got engaged, Eloise was very busy with work so I explained to her that although she is one of my best friends, she cannot be my maid of honour as I can’t trust that she would be as available as I need her to be for her maid of honour duties. This was fine and I made a different friend of mine, let’s call her Bella, maid of honour instead. Bella and I had a falling out recently and Eloise is more free with her work so I told her that while I am choosing to not have a maid of honour anymore, she will act like my maid of honour during the lead up to the wedding and on the day. For example, she is planning my hen do alongside two other bridesmaids.

This is where the problems have started. I have put her in charge of planning the hen do and trusting her to make it fun and something I would enjoy. But she is getting annoyed at me for contributing to little things like: making the invitations, picking the theme, planning activities and organising meet ups for her and the other bridesmaids to plan my hen. She keeps making comments about whether I “trust her” or not to do this and I don’t understand where she is coming from.

Then, the other day, I was talking to Eloise about what being a maid of honour means on the day of the wedding. I was explaining to her that she would have to keep me calm and make sure I don’t get mad with other people due to my nerves and stress as well as keeping me hydrated and making sure that I eat well in the morning and throughout the day. I also explained to her that she must go around to all of the guests, introduce herself and make sure they are all having a good time and to do anything they need if they are uncomfortable in anyway.

I made it clear that she can’t just chat with her friends all day, over entertaining the guests. In response to this, Eloise told me that my ideas of what a maid of honour was, is unrealistic and that she’s not “my employee”, nor is she technically even the maid of honour. I tried explaining that this is what friends do at weddings but she told me that none of the wedding’s she had been to before had a maid of honour or bridesmaid doing all this but I told her that my wedding was not like other weddings as it’s bigger and more expensive than the one’s she has previously been to.

Eloise has been in a long-term relationship with her boyfriend, Ben (32M), for 5 years. My fiancé and him get on really well and he’s a really cool guy! We met up as a group when we got engaged and expressed how excited we were for him to be at the wedding and Eloise has told me how excited he was to be invited and how grateful he is. But, recently, when planning the wedding, I realised our guest list was a bit big and I wanted to put our budget towards other things like décor instead of more guests. So I asked Eloise to tell Ben that he was no longer invited. She got SO mad and shouted at me, saying that I was putting her in an uncomfortable situation and that if I wasn’t 100% sure that he could come, I shouldn’t have made a point about inviting him in the first place.

Eloise has also recently started expressing how her and Ben are talking about getting engaged. I told her it was really insensitive of her to be thinking about getting engaged when I’m getting married so soon and that she has to wait to get engaged until a year or so after the wedding so that I can revel in the wedding bliss for a bit longer before the attention is given to her. She again, got really mad at me and said she couldn’t put her “life on hold” just because I am getting married. Since then, we haven’t spoken in several weeks cos she’s mad at me and I’m stressed because I caught wind that she has been meeting with the bridesmaids to plan the hen do behind my back.

I just feel like Eloise is being really selfish and wants all the attention on her. It is my wedding, and hen do. I am the bride and I should be able to tell people what they are doing and when if they are in my bridal party. It’s not just Eloise though either, all my friends are constantly getting annoyed with me because since I got engaged, they say all I can talk about is the wedding or planning the wedding with them? It was even the reason Bella and I fell out because she said I don’t care about her personal life and that she’s under a lot of pressure at work so doesn’t have the time to plan my wedding 24/7. But excuse me for being excited?

I don’t feel like I’m asking the world of them or asking them to do crazy stuff but just to support me and give me a bit of the spotlight for my big day. So AITA? Or are all my friends being unsupportive and dramatic? Thanks everyone!

TLDR: I’m upset with my friend Eloise, who I want to act like a maid of honour (planning my hen do and supporting me on the wedding day), but she says my expectations are unrealistic. Things escalated when I asked her to uninvite her long-term boyfriend due to budget cuts and told her not to get engaged until after my wedding. Eloise is now angry and has stopped speaking to me. Other friends also say I am too wedding-focused and demanding, while I feel they are selfish and unsupportive.