I (24F) am a full time stage actress. It’s my job. My boyfriend (25M) John and I have been dating for four months. Recently I started rehearsals for a new show. I have a couple of really difficult quick changes that require 1-2 people to help me with the change. I brought it up the other day because they are just so difficult to do and I wanted to rant a little. He thinks that I shouldn’t be doing them.
To be clear, I let him know the show would have quick changes before and he was fine with it then, but I think he might’ve assumed no men would be nearby while I thought I had properly explained that it would be whoever was available.
For more context, In one of the quick changes I am doing it just off stage because I have so little time. A stage manager (30sM) and one of my fellow actresses (21F) are helping me with the change. They do not touch me inappropriately, and although I’m technically getting down to my “underwear,” it’s not like I’m in a bra and panties.
I wear so much spandex and shapewear to make sure I don’t flash people when I’m dancing or look weird in the costumes that I’m practically dressed still. The other quick change I have time to go to the sort of quick change area we have with a curtain, and I only need another actress to help.
My boyfriend thinks I should say I won’t do the first quick change because it’s inappropriate since I have a boyfriend, or he thinks I should demand the stage manager not help. But the thing is, I’m not going to be in a relationship with someone who can’t handle some backstage quick changes.
They are not R-rated in the slightest and they are part of my job. I want the production to go smoothly and quick changes are already hard enough as they are. I told him that if he’s not comfortable with that the I understand, and that it’s a valid boundary and we should break up if he feels that way.
That I’m probably not the girl for him, and that I’m not going to date someone who isn’t comfortable with my career and all it entails. He said I was trying to coerce him into letting other men see me in my underwear, and that I shouldn’t be in a relationship. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
RedSAuthor said:
I guess the beach or swimming pool is off the table because average swimsuit covers as much as underwear and your boyfriend doesn’t want people looking at you. NTA but you should dump him.
shyfidelity said:
He’s right ONLY in the sense that you should not be in a relationship with him. He is too immature. NTA.
Bong_Princess said:
NTA. His comprehension of the situation is so wrong. It isn’t sexual, he is making it weird. He doesn’t understand and is being controlling, possessive and it is just the start. Move on, and enjoy your life, and what you do. The bottom line: As long as you are comfortable, there is no problem.
Fit-Thing-953 said:
NTA. Dump him if he has so little respect and understanding for your profession.
No-Alps6905 said:
NTA. He said YOU are coercing HIM? Four months…get out while its easy. This road is all downhill.
Training_Zebra_574 said:
NTA. I used to do burlesque so I understand what back stage can be. Everyone there is doing a job. Changing/getting ready in a shared space is part of the job. Nobody is having R-rated fun time back there.
This is going to be an ongoing issue with this guy. If you cave to his demands this time, you’ll be doing it for every production going forward. I’d cut him loose and find someone who understands.
cassowary32 said:
NTA. 4 months in and he’s already interfering with your job? Run.
Hemenucha said:
NTA. Your stage manager is doing his job, not feeling you up. Thankfully you’ve not got too much time invested in that boyfriend.
