I (17F) have been with my boyfriend (18M) for over a year.
A few months into our relationship, his mom passed away unexpectedly. It was devastating for him and his family.
Not long after her death, my mom (late 30s) began making comments and jokes about potentially dating my boyfriend’s dad (50s). At first I tried to brush it off, but it made me uncomfortable given how recent the loss was. When I finally said something, she admitted it was inappropriate — but the behavior didn’t stop.
Over time, it became clear that there was ongoing flirting between them. This has followed a repeated pattern for months: they engage in flirtatious or emotionally charged conversations, and afterward he becomes overwhelmed with guilt and blocks her. After some time passes, communication resumes and the cycle repeats. My mom is fully aware of this pattern and continues engaging anyway.
She frequently complains to me about the situation and how stressful it is for her. I have told her multiple times that she does not have to talk to him, does not have to be his friend, and does not have to engage at all. Despite this, she continues to choose to stay involved. This makes it feel less like something she’s trapped in and more like something she is participating in for her own benefit.
She also repeatedly vented to me about him, even after I asked her not to. Eventually, I told her very clearly that if anything romantic happened between them, I would go no contact. I explained that my relationship with my boyfriend is my only safe space, and I did not want it invaded or complicated by her romantic involvement with his family.
Despite knowing this, she continued engaging with him anyway.
Recently, I overheard another phone call where both my mom and my boyfriend’s dad were drunk and openly flirting, including suggesting a one-night stand. Shortly after, he blocked her again, consistent with the same cycle.
Now I’m supposed to see my boyfriend this weekend. My mom insists she needs direct contact with his dad “in case of an emergency.” I offered several reasonable alternatives — a home phone, another adult relative in the household, my dad, or my grandma.
One option I suggested was my boyfriend’s older brother (mid-20s), who lives at home. He is fully functioning, independent, and capable of handling a phone call. My mom dismissed this, saying he was “just a kid,” despite him being a grown adult.
She also keeps threatening to involve my boyfriend’s grandmother instead — someone who has a history of controlling behavior and has made it clear she dislikes me. My boyfriend and I intentionally keep distance from her due to past boundary issues.
For context, my boyfriend is legally an adult, our plans are simple (movies, shopping), and we won’t even be at his house. This feels less about safety and more about maintaining access to his dad, despite knowing how much this situation hurts me.
What hurts most is that I clearly expressed my boundary and explained the emotional impact this would have on me — and she chose to continue anyway. It’s made me feel like my feelings and well-being matter less than what she wants.
So, AITA for standing my ground and saying I will go no-contact if this continues?
