“AITA for ‘fat shaming’ my partner?”
My girlfriend has started trying to be healthier and lose weight. She doesn’t like how she looks and she is overweight so she’s trying to make better choices and lose weight. She’s cut out a lot of unhealthy snacks she used to eat such as chocolate biscuits, crisps, cookies etc. and she’s replaced them with alternatives. The problem is she’s replaced them with cracks that are still calorie dense.
She’s eating more peanut butter, honey roasted nuts etc. and she’s having quite large portions of these when she has them. She was talking the other day about how she’s glad to be making better choices, but she’s confused that she hasn’t being losing weight.
I mentioned to her that a lot of the snacks she’s eating are still quite high in calories so while they might be better for her than what she used to eat, she’s still eating a lot of them and they are likely to have more calories in than what she used to snack on so to lose weight she’ll still need to cut down on what she’s snacking on as she’s still snacking quite a lot.
She said I was fat shaming her and telling her she’s eating too much but I just pointed out I was just explaining to her why she hasn’t lose weight after changing some of her eating habits. She said again I was fat shaming her but I disagree. AITA for “fat shaming” when offering advice?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
another_vodka_please said:
NTA. My husband has put on a good 50 lbs since retiring from the military and was complaining that his shirts didn’t fit. My response was “Well, you should probably cut the alcohol down and get back to the gym.” He accused me of fat shaming him. Like what am I going to say? Blame it on the dryer? I have eyes. It’s an impossible conversation.
ConclusionUnusual320 said:
NTA she needs to understand how fat loss works. She needs to eat less calories than she burns. Just changing the food she eats will do nothing if she doesn’t change the portion sizes. Eating 500 calories of chocolate is no different to 500 calories of apples….it’s all still 500 calories.
bytecascade- said:
NTA. Being honest shouldn’t be mistaken for shaming. She’s on a journey and acknowledging these calorific pitfalls is part of it. Guess the truth is the new fat shamer, huh?
TheSkyElf said:
NTA Her body is probably reeling with shock after changing diet, and so the realization that she has to give up more is probably making her upset because that also reveals how much she was unknowingly overeating. Its not fun thing to realize.
She was feeling accomplished and happy for eating better, and you brought the unfortunate truth that while she is eating better it “isn’t enough.” However you didn’t do anything wrong here, you were just the bearer of bad news.
No-Blood-9680 said:
NTA. Honey coated nuts would be sooo calorie dense. Respectfully, as someone who is also trying to lose weight and loves honey roasted nuts.
AlriRayne said:
NTA, that isn’t fat shaming at all. I was just information, which I thought was tactfully given in response to her question. Sounds like she’s just embarrassed and frustrated at her lack of progress and is getting defensive instead of taking accountability.
If she doesn’t want to believe what you’re saying, suggest you both start using a calorie tracking app, like My Fitness Pal (basic version is free) or Noom. Then she can see for herself how her choices are affecting her goals.
Hoistedonyrownpetard said:
NTA. But this is one of those places where angels fear to tread. Next time she brings it up you can suggest that she talk to a professional about it instead of you.
