AITA for setting up a “bills” only account when my wife said she could spend “her money” however she wanted?
My wife (30F) and I (32M) have been married for 3 years, together for 6. Overall, it’s been a good marriage and she’s a good partner, but there’s been one ongoing issue that drives me crazy: money.
I’ve been the sole provider for the last 5 years. I cover all the bills, rent, savings, vacations, everything. Six months ago, she picked up a small part-time job that brings in maybe $500 a month. Not much in the grand scheme of things, but it gave her some spending cash.
The issue is that when she started making this side money, she began throwing around the phrase “my money” whenever I pushed back on her buying stuff we didn’t need. For example, if I told her a purchase was wasteful, she’d say, “Fine, I’ll use my money.” That phrase really irritated me, because in my mind, everything should be our money, not hers vs mine.
The breaking point came one night: we had just spent $60 on dinner, and a few hours later she wanted to order pizza even though I was already cooking at home. I told her no, because we had just eaten out and I didn’t want to waste more money. She shot back with, “I just got paid yesterday, so I can spend whatever I want.”
Instead of arguing, I let it go in the moment but I decided to make a point.
The next week, I quietly set up a new account. I transferred almost everything out of our joint account (which I’m the main contributor to) and created a “bills only” account where I deposited just enough to cover 3/4th the monthly expenses like groceries, electricity, wifi, mortgage. I moved the rest of my income into a different bank account in my name.
When the bills came due 17 days later, I told her I didn’t have enough to cover everything and asked her to cover the rest. She was shocked. She checked the online banking and realized there wasn’t enough to pay for everything because I had intentionally set it up that way. We ended up a bit short, so I cancelled Amazon prime for the month and other few memberships. (Didn’t bother me since I barely shop there anyway.). Also my wife couldn’t use what she thought was “her money” towards her multiple Amazon purchases and other many shopping purchases.
She has been really pissed and I know this isn’t right but I felt it was justified because she hasn’t made a single effort to be respectful around the language when it comes to finances
