Last year, my girlfriend bought a house and I moved in with her. She has a 10-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. Things were going well at first, and I was happy to contribute to the household even though my name wasn’t on the mortgage. We didn’t add me to the deed because my credit was poor at the time, and I already owned a home that I rent out.he mortgage on her house is around $5,000 per month. I was contributing $2,000 monthly, which was the most I could afford due to loans, credit card debt, and other financial responsibilities.A few months in, she told me she was going to let her ex (her daughter’s father) move in to help with co-parenting. I wasn’t excited about the idea, but I tried to be understanding since I know how important stability is for their daughter.Over time, though, it became clear that her ex still had feelings for her. He was overly familiar and acted like he was still part of the relationship. It made me very uncomfortable and I started to feel like a third wheel in the home. She doesn’t want to kick out her ex because he helps a lot with their daughter. After a while, I decided to move out for my own mental and emotional well-being.Now, my girlfriend is upset that I won’t move back in or continue contributing to the mortgage. I’ve told her that I’m not comfortable living in the same house as her ex, and that I don’t feel it’s fair to keep financially supporting a property I don’t have any ownership in, especially under these circumstances. I care about her and her daughter, but I also need to look after my own financial and emotional health. AITA?
This is what people had to say to OP:
CryptographerPure301 said:
Sooooo….what you are saying is that she moves her ex in without having him contribute to the morgage as rent? If he lives there, he can pay the 2 grand. Her wanting you to pay up after moving out, is not you being an afterthought… it is you being the “sugardaddy”.
[deleted] said:
NTA but you are a chump. Girlfriend has her ex move back in, that alone is enough to break up. That she wants you to move back in but not kick her ex out tells me that they’re using you. Get over your emotions for her and her kid. You don’t want to walk another day down this path. It only leads to heartbreak for you.
pseudolin said:
Like what the actual??? She’s using you clearly. She’s also using her ex – you don’t know the story she’s feeding him – for babysitting “stability”. Like??? You dodged a bullet by not being on the mortgage. You can exit ANY TIME.
It’s likely that you’re paying 40% of the mortgage while the ex-husband is contributing another 40-60% of the mortgage. WHO TAKES OUT A $5000 A MONTH MORTGAGE IN THIS ECONOMY? Get out. And fast. NTA. She’s delusional AND a user. Don’t be taken advantage of.
One month later, OP shared this update:
Surprisingly, my girlfriend and I were able to work things out and things are actually going well now. After everything reached a breaking point, I made the difficult decision to just pack up my things and leave the house without saying a word.
Not long after I left, she started reaching out. calling, texting, asking me to come back. She told me she realized how serious things had gotten and admitted she had underestimated how uncomfortable the living situation had become for me. Eventually, she made the decision to ask her ex to move out, which was a huge step for her and showed me that she really valued our relationship.
She also refinanced the house and we had an open, honest conversation about finances. We came to a mutual agreement on what I would contribute going forward, something that would fair and sustainable for both of us. While my name still isn’t on the deed, we’ve been clearer about financial expectations and boundaries, and that’s made all the difference.
Most importantly, we’ve had some very real talks about boundaries especially when it comes to her ex and co-parenting. She’s been more mindful and proactive about setting those boundaries, and I’ve felt much more respected and secure because of it.
Soo right now, we’re in a better place, which I didn’t expect at all. We’re communicating more openly, supporting each other, and trying to build a healthier dynamic together. It’s still a work in progress, but I’m cautiously optimistic. Thanks to everyone who weighed in and helped me think this through.
