“AITA because my new boyfriend doesn’t want to be snowed in with me and so I’m rethinking the relationship?”
We are expecting a large winter storm to hit. I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to come spend the snow day/night with me — we could make s’mores on the stove, play games, cuddle, watch shows, and of course other things. I was pretty excited, didn’t even think he would say no…
He took a long pause and then said, “it sounds really nice but I think I’m going to stay home because it’s the perfect weather to stay in and play Xbox.” He went on to explain how he is trying to achieve some specific level.
I was pretty upset and disappointed that he said no, but we already made plans to do something ahead of the storm and so I didn’t make a big deal of it. Just was going to soak him up as much as I could before the storm.
It comes time for our date before the storm hits (tonight) and he messages me 20 minutes before our date that he had something come up and so our plans fell through. I again was super upset and disappointed and I’ve now told him to give me some space to think.
He frequently cancels our plans because he wants to game or because he falls asleep. This is the 3rd week in a row where we have made plans that fell through because of something unforeseen on his end.
I’ve talked to him about his inconsistency, and he says that he is trying to figure out a lot of stuff and he hopes I will wait for him because he wants me to be by his side as he figures it all out.
I’m honestly just getting tired of getting my hopes up, just to be disappointed. I feel my needs are not being met and he just expects me to put my needs to the side until he finally has time/the ability to handle them. I guess I just really need some advice and I need to know if I am overreacting or if there is just no hope here.
Update: Wow. I didn’t expect this post to get nearly this much attention. Thank you to everyone who commented and provided their support. I’ve decided to move on from the relationship and all the comments and advice really helped! I’m sad things didn’t work out, but still wish him the best. Enjoy a safe & warm snow day everyone!
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
_anxious_witch94
I would expect this behaviour from a teenager, not a 32 y/o MAN! He’s showing what his priority is. Dump him!
Capable-Regular9791
I dated a guy like this. He wanted me to wait until he got it together. I agreed initially, and then I decided “forget that”. He was already being inconsistent, why should I wait for him to decide that he doesn’t want to be??
DogsDucks
I would not expect this behavior from anyone I actually want to date. My teenage boyfriend flew around the world to surprise me. Like, this is less of an age issue and more of an “I was brought up wrong and dont really care about you issue.
Yes it’s painful. But not as painful as the rest of your life is going to be coming in second to a screen. A screen that will zap away ambitions and apparently critical thinking too. You’re a crack filler, a flyover state. You’re the magazine in the doctors office people only pick up because their phone died.
Jesus, girl. You are worth SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS!!! you’re worth a man who jumps for a chance to spend a snow date with you, and then helps dig out your car before you wake up in the morning.
This ain’t it. I’m not being hyperbolic, this whole screen-addict genre of apathetic parasite-people are just unworthy of your heart. As much as it hurts now, I promise that when you look back, you’ll be so glad you walked away.
SignificantKitchen62
Exactly! My boyfriend is a gamer and we are long distance (also a bit older than OP) We have had scheduled calls when he is gaming and he tells the guys “I’ll be back in a half hour, I have a date” and when we spend weekends together either at his place or mine, he tells the guys that he won’t be on that weekend.
If we were able to be together for this snow storm, he would jump at the chance. OP, men are not fixer-uppers, find someone that wants to be with you and not use you as a place holder for a screen.
bmyst70
NTA. As a gamer myself, I advise you this. His ACTIONS show what matters most to him, not his words. His actions have consistently shown you that he values his games more than you. His choice for this storm is just the icing on the cake.
If he loved you, he would make space for you. And part of that is caring for your needs more than a damn video game. Therefore, he loves you less than he loves his games. This will NEVER change. I advise you dump him. Gaming is fine as a hobby, but if a partner won’t put you first, above his games, consistently, he’s not a partner. You’re his “den mother”.
Sea_Milk_69
He’s trying to figure out his stuff and hopes you wait for him… wait for him to get to his level goal or? He literally could have atleast asked if he could bring his Xbox over, my bf sets his ps4 up on a smaller tv so we sit together and watch my shows while he games. Don’t settle for that man!!
Music_Is_Life_BOWA
I’m sorry to break this to you, but you don’t have a boyfriend. If this is his pattern of behavior, you have a fun buddy you see sometimes. ETA- One test to be sure everyone is right- suggest he bring the x-box to your place or you go there instead. If the answer is the same- he doesn’t want to be bothered with a “relationship.” He wants an occasional fun buddy and emotional support human.
So, what do you think of this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?
