AITAH for leaving the family group chat with a “petty” message after my dad added the secret brother I just found out about?
My parents have been divorced for longer than I can remember and my dad and I have never had a great relationship. We are nice to each other, call for birthdays and such, but not a real father daughter relationship. My dad lives in Kentucky and my sister and I live in Texas. About a year ago, I called him and told him I wanted us to be closer. His solution was a group chat with me, him, and my sister where we would play daily games (like Wordle/Connections) and post the results.
After a few months, I told him that while the games were fun, they weren’t actually “a relationship.” He dismissed me and said he thought the game chat was “good enough.” I was hurt, but I gave up and accepted that Wordle scores were all I was ever going to get from him.
Two months before my wedding, my dad dropped a bombshell: he FaceTimed my sister and me to tell us we have an older brother, “Brandon,” that he had kept secret our entire lives. I got married, things were civil, and I tried to process having a new sibling.
A few months ago, without any warning or heads-up, my dad added Brandon and Brandon’s wife to our small game group chat.
Suddenly, the chat I started to get closer to my dad became the “Dad and Brandon Show.” They talk constantly, while my sister and I are basically just spectators in a chat I originally created for us. I called my dad to tell him I felt pushed out and that he still wasn’t making an effort with me. He gave me a “guilt trip” speech about how the chat is the “brightest part of his day” and he just wants all his kids to be together.
I’m done. I feel like my request for a relationship was ignored, then hijacked. I am known as the “dramatic” one in the family, so I decided to lean into it. I sent a message to the group saying:
“I’m bowing out. I realized this has become the ‘Dad and Brandon Catch-up Hour,’ and I love that for you guys! But since I’m still waiting on the relationship I actually asked for months ago, watching from the sidelines isn’t for me. Brandon, so glad you’re here! Dad, I’ll leave you to your ‘brightest part of the day’—I’m sure you won’t even notice I’m gone. ”
Then I immediately left the group. My sister (who I warned beforehand) thinks it was iconic, but my dad is now calling me “dramatic” and saying I’m being unwelcoming to my new brother.
AITA for leaving the chat this way?
UPDATE: The Group Chat Exit Heard ‘Round the World (and by 8k of you!)
Hey everyone! First off, thank you all so much for the support and validation. 8k views is absolutely wild and a little bit nerve-wracking, but it really helped knowing so many people were in my corner.
So, here’s what went down after I hit send on that message:
The immediate aftermath was silence from my dad. Crickets. Still haven’t heard a single word from him, which is making me a little nervous, honestly.
BUT, the best part of this whole mess? Brandon and his wife both reached out to me privately, apologizing for “intruding” on our group chat. I immediately shut that down and let them know it was 100% my dad’s doing, not theirs. I also owned my “dramatic one” reputation, telling them that sometimes “stupid stuff like this” is the only way my dad hears me.
I told them I’d love to have a relationship with them, and Brandon just said, “There’s no time like the present.”
We had a really great 45-minute FaceTime call, just the two of us siblings getting to know each other. It turns out my dad is a master of manipulation and storytelling on both ends:
To me, my dad made it seem like he and Brandon were besties who loved their morning chats.
To Brandon, my dad made it seem like my sister and I had this amazing, great relationship with him.
The reality? Brandon is super hurt by my dad (he didn’t even know about him until he was 18) and only feels obligated to have a relationship for his own kids’ sake. We both got pretty emotional about it all.
The overall consensus between us is that we’re all just kind of over my dad’s nonsense.
So, while I’m still waiting on a response from my father, I gained a great new brother and perspective. Thanks again for all the advice, everyone! I’ll update again if the old man ever decides to speak to me.
