AITJ for not wanting to go home to celebrate my 21st birthday?
Context: I (f20) will be turning 21 next week. I grew up in the UK, I’ve been living in London now for 2.5 years, away from my immediate family up north. I visit home almost every 1-2 months, sometimes twice in a month.
This year has already been chaotic for our family so far. My grandma (late 80s) has been hospitalised twice already for serious health issues, and is still in the hospital. My younger sister (18) recently had an accident that led to her having to go to A&E to get stitches for a deep torso wound. I was informed late on all three occasions, because my family forgot to tell me, despite me calling. On top of both working and studying full-time, it’s safe to say that my mind has been all over the place in the last two months alone, especially because I live so far from my family.
Now my issue:
Big birthdays are important for us. Usually in my family, when your birthday is coming up, people are asking you about the plans a few weeks to a month in advance. This is because if the plans are big, people need to travel. We don’t all live in the same city, and train tickets are expensive. I was last at home two weeks ago, and nobody mentioned my birthday to me at all. Given recent events, I myself haven’t really been thinking about my birthday besides the fact that it’ll be my 21st.
Since I’ve come back, nobody’s called me even once to check on me, and we’re a close family so I’m used to talking to them every few days. I’ve been the one calling everyone to check on them, and ask for updates on my grandma, because nobody was updating me. I’ve been feeling upset and a bit forgotten by the lack of effort from my family, but I’m also annoyed that nobody thought to keep me informed. I understand that we have had more important things to worry about recently than a birthday, so I’ve just been trying to let it go.
I’ve had it in my mind for a few weeks that I just want to celebrate in London with my friends here, and then travel home the following week to see my family. I already told my grandma this over the phone yesterday, and she was fine with it. I think she’d rather I come later, because it gives her more time to recover so that she can properly be present for me when I do visit.
I just called my dad and it came up, and he seemed very disappointed. He said that he’d hoped he’d get to see me on my 21st birthday, and that everybody in the family had been planning a nice dinner for me because it’s a milestone. But this is the first I’m hearing of it, and my birthday is next week.
I said that if everybody wanted to see me on the day, they should’ve talked to me earlier, because I have plans now. Plus, every time I go home last minute, I have to fork out on train tickets, and they‘re not cheap. On top of that, no one’s actually asked me what I want to do for my birthday. Everyone just assumed I’d be coming home and decided what the plans were, but nobody even asked me where I’d be on the day or what I wanted to do. Even now, this only came up with my dad because I mentioned it, he didn’t ask.
I don’t necessarily think I’m a jerk for not wanting to go home, but I’m starting to second guess whether or not I’m being selfish out of hurt. So, AITJ?
