I feel like my ex was in a secret relationship with his mother. I dated a 42 year old for about six months.
In the beginning, he seemed stable. Good job, owned his house, close with family. I actually liked that he was family-oriented. Then I realized he wasn’t just close with his mom. He was dependent. Before his dad passed, there were already red flags I ignored She call him multiple times a day. She had a key to his house and let herself in whenever she felt like it.
She walked in bussed in his room while we were having s3x and sat there. He stopped and said we can finish later his mom is important. She’d always bother me like example I’d be there in the kitchen and suddenly she’d be in the kitchen making coffee. She reorganized his kitchen and closet without asking.
Threw away things she didn’t “like.” My items Including a candle I had bought him.
She referred to his house as “our house” in conversation. She openly criticized every woman he’d ever dated while smiling at me. It always felt like I was being evaluated. Then his dad passed away from an accident. I felt for him. I tried to be supportive and patient because grief changes people. But things escalated. She started staying over more. Doing his laundry, Cooking every meal, Cleaning his bedroom.
Once I showed up and she had washed his sheets and remade his bed while humming like this was normal. Then came my lingerie, clothes and shoes…I left things at his house after we went out. The next day, while I wasn’t there, she came over. She wore my lingerie she took it home with her.
She drove 1:30 minutes home with it. When I asked him about it, he laughed and said, she wanted to clean It “She was just helping out.” Helping who? I let it go because she had just lost her husband and I didn’t want to be insensitive. The next day, he casually told me he was converting his addic and his basement into a full apartment for his mom so she could move in permanently. He had already started looking at contractors.
There was no conversation. I asked for a calm discussion. I said I understood she was grieving, but boundaries were already blurry and moving her in without setting expectations would only make it worse. He immediately got defensive. Said I was making it about me.m, I lacked empathy, no one would ever come before his mother. Then he told me to leave. After that, he ignored me for two days. He broke up with me.
We only dated 6 months. I processed it and moved on. Started going out. Met someone new. Went on actual dates. That’s when things got weird. He started watching every single story I posted within minutes. Liking old photos. Viewing my LinkedIn. Random late-night texts. Then his mom started calling me.
She told me I was selfish for “abandoning” her son during his grieving process. That I should’ve waited for him to come back around because “he was just hurting.” She said good women don’t give up so easily. She even said, “You’ll never find a man who treats you as well as my son.” This is the same man who Once canceled my birthday dinner because his mom “was feeling emotional.”
Told me I shouldn’t redecorate anything in his house because his mom picked everything. Compared how I cooked to his mom’s cooking and said I should ask her for tips. Refused to plan a weekend trip unless his mom approved the dates. Told me I was “overreacting” when she showed up unannounced while we were in the middle of an argument.
After the breakup He drove past my house twice (I only know because my neighbor mentioned it). He asked mutual friends who I was dating. He sent a long text saying he made a mistake but couldn’t choose between me and his mom. His mom messaged me saying I was “confused” and that he was the best I would ever do. She told me no woman would ever love him like she does, so I should have tried harder. I never responded to either of them. Now I’m apparently the heartless ex who “moved on too fast.” Am I wrong for thinking if asking for basic boundaries ends a relationship, then it was never stable to begin with.
