“Couple gives out living creatures as wedding favors…”
I tried to make this short, but I get a bit ranty remembering this one. I was MOH for my (then) best friend. It was a fairly casual affair and she wasn’t as big a monster as most of the stories here, with the exception of this one tiny thing…
Much of the wedding was pre-packaged with the reception hall it was held in. They covered invitations, catering, cake, tables/chairs, decorations. The time came to choose centerpieces for the tables. The venue offered a variety of glass containers the bride could fill with whatever she wanted.
Tall cylindrical vases, decorative platters, bowls, globes. Which shape she chose would depend upon what the bride chose to display in it. Did she want flowers? Candles? Pebbles? No, she had a better idea.
You see, ex-friend was an animal lover. On and off again vegetarian/vegan, PETA supporter, etc. She was especially fond of fish. With that in mind, how cute would it be to have a pair of goldfish in a globe as a centerpiece? Real, live goldfish – a pair of them (to represent the couple, see?) – on each and every table, all 40 of them.
I raised some objections. Multiple objections. Me: M, Bride: B
M: “What happens to the fish after the ceremony?”
B: “Oh, the guests can take them home! They’d be like wedding favors! Keepsakes!”
M: “But not everyone is going to want to take home a new pet from a wedding. People tend to like having a say in what pets they want to take care of.”
B: “Well not everyone has to take one. There’s only a pair for every table, not everyone could take one anyway.”
M: “But still, you’re expecting… what, 25% of your guests to want to adopt a pet that day?”
B: “They’re only goldfish! Plenty of people already have fish at home.”
M: “Wouldn’t the fish be pretty stressed out being in the middle of all the wedding chaos with no where to hide?”
B: “But they have, like, 3 second memories, it wouldn’t even matter. The ones in the tank at Wal-Mart don’t seem to mind people walking by them all the time.”
M: “Yeah, speaking of the ones in the tank at Wal-Mart… there’s always a fair few of them floating at the top. What if you get floaters during the reception? I mean, it’s not an appetizing sight for the people eating their dinners. Besides, it wouldn’t make for the best representation of your relationship. There’s a lot of… not good… symbolism there.”
B: “Well, that can be your job during the reception: just keep an eye out for dead ones and replace them before anyone notices. They’re called feeder fish for a reason. They don’t live long, everyone knows that. We’ll buy them that morning, they only need to survive through the reception.”
M: “I thought you loved animals.”
B: *”I DO! THAT’S WHY I’M USING THEM!!” *
Lovely. Friend vowed to handle all the arrangements for the goldfish since I had so many objections. It would all work out, I’d see. It was gonna look great. She just needed me to be on floater duty for the reception since she would be so busy. Fine.
Anyway, wedding happens. I didn’t have a lot of time to spare during the reception to watch over all 40 centerpieces, but I did catch a few floaters. “Luckily”, the happy couple had spares in the back.
They’d bought roughly a hundred that morning. 3 cents a piece, what a bargain. Floating tealights would have been so much more expensive, you know? Besides, everyone uses those. The goldfish are unique. Memorable. Just like the bride!
End of reception, everyone’s gone home and the wedding hall hosts are cleaning up. “What does the bride want us to do with these“. “These”? Oh yes, the eighty goldfish left behind with all the spent streamers and confetti. The venue needs their globes back. Isn’t it strange how not a single guest was willing to take home some goldfish?
It couldn’t have helped that the bride didn’t think to provide containers for them. So, will the bride and groom be adopting these eighty goldfish plus about ten “spare” still in the back swimming around in the giant bag from the pet store? Alas, they can’t! They’re headed off on their honeymoon. Such a shame. “Gotta go now, bye!”
With that, they were gone. Now I was literally the only person from the wedding left in the building. The hosts still needed their globes back. That night I strolled into a big-box pet store in my big floofy red satin floor length gown, heels clacking on the tiles, and purchased a big-ass rectangular tank, a filter, and some fish flakes.
A few were dead by the time I got home, then more the next morning. More again in the afternoon, and the evening, and the next morning. By the third day, we were down to five, and we lost one a day after that until there was only one left. And that last one? Five years. I named it Sun. It lingered far longer than my friendship with the bride, and far far longer than her marriage.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
SpringySpaniel said:
Urgh, that’s horrible! She’s definitely not an animal lover. Animals are not decorations! Sorry you got saddled with that OP, thanks for trying to help the survivors.
MythicalWhistle said:
It would be a cute idea except it’s a ridiculously terrible idea.
Pandamandathon said:
This is especially awful because despite popular belief, goldfish need at least twenty gallons for one goldfish to thrive. Those cheap goldfish are meant to be food for turtles and larger fish, that’s why they’re so cheap. They aren’t meant to be pets. If they are taken as pets it’s 20 gallons for one goldfish.
People say all the time “well I had one in a five gallon tank for five years” and I respond with “they’re supposed to live for upwards of fifty years, so congratulations you raised it through it’s infancy.” They’re also supposed to get up to two feet long. So really they’ll eventually need at least a hundred gallons.
Again that’s for one single goldfish. Goldfish should never ever be used as decorations or prizes. They will die prematurely. No question. They need 20 gallons and a very good filter to even have a chance.
Smithette said:
Wow. Not surprised you’re not friends any more. Good on you for looking after the fish after it was all over.
iggybu said:
Getting all of the fish for $3 was so much cheaper than tealight candles for her. Who cares if she’s just passing off the costs to the guests? “I DO WHAT I WANT!”
Chiinori said:
This was unexpectedly Survivor: Fish Edition. RIP sweet princes and princesses.
AllISeeAreGems said:
I hope every last one of those goldfish comes back to haunt her nightmares for all eternity.
After reading the comments, OP edited the post to include:
Just wanted to answer a couple things just in case:
Q: “Why didn’t you dump them in a pond/lake?”
A: (c & v from a comment) Goldfish are an invasive species where I live. Many nearby ponds and lakes have had their ecosystems completely destroyed solely from goldfish dumped by irresponsible pet owners.
The local government’s current approach to fixing this problem is to poison everything in that body of water, scoop out the bodies/clear up the poison, and start from scratch restocking with native species. If I’m going to have fish deaths on my hands, I’d rather 89 than tens of thousands.
Q: “Why didn’t you take them back to the pet store?”
A: I didn’t know which one they’d bought them from and frankly, I didn’t think it was an option. Looking in to it after the fact and indeed it was not. Apparently, at least in our area, pet stores will replace a fish, but they don’t really take them back. If they do take them back, they dispose of them.
Even the fish the stores get from their own supplier are quarantined a few days before joining the display tanks (and they recommend you do the same with any fish you take home). This may not be universal, just what’s been explained to me. Hope this clears some things up.
