“My boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue because he ‘lost feelings’ for me.”
Im a 32F. The past few weeks he had been busy with his project and stressed out. Ive always been there for him and supported him and was very understanding. We hadn’t met for 3 weeks because he had his deadline coming. But he FaceTime’s me almost every night.
But the past week something was off, he was different. He said hes just been stressed. Then when i called him last night to ask what was going on, he admitted to losing feelings for me. I was completely blindsided. This was the biggest mindf%$k ive had in my life.
He was the best boyfriend and everything was going on fine. But he said he couldn’t take the pressure of having a relationship and dealing with his stress. I was really completely shocked because ive only been extremely understanding towards his situation. He said he woke up one day and didn’t want a relationship anymore. It broke my heart into a million pieces.
Currently, im in so much pain. I never expected this. How can someone do this to someone? Just throw it all away like it meant nothing.
I’ve deleted all our pictures off my phone and also deleted our chat on my end.
I dont know how to deal with this mindf&^k. This is absolutely crazy. I just needed to let it out somewhere. I know ill get over it but right now it feels like i cant. And i cant believe this happened to me at 32.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
whereisbrandon101
This is called an avoidant discard. Look it up. Understanding this is not normal helped me when it happened to me. Coach Ryan on TikTok/IG is a good resource.
Your ex has an attachment disorder.
Maybe-Potential OP:
yeah i do think so now after reading up on it.
Abject_Historian9293
Dismissive avoidant . My ex was the same. I’m sorry girl, I promise you it will be better in time. Will take you about 3 to 4 weeks minimum. At least that’s how long it took me to feel normal again. You’re not alone. Go NC and heal. The guy has issues.
Ready-Guarantee-4762
It happened to me 3 months ago. He broke up with me because he couldn’t feel that our relationship was right. A week before that he told me that he was so happy that I was part of his life and brought me my favourite flowers just to leave me a week after. I can relate to your situation.
A
It will make you question your whole relationship and things you both shared as if it was never true. You will keep seeking answers which don’t exist. Such people have issues with their attachment style. It is heartbreaking but we will get through that, my dear ❤️ I send you a lot of hugs and support, if you need someone to talk to, you can dm me
Maybe-Potential OP:
Yes im still in a very confused state, but clearer than the day i heard the news. Ive been trying to make sense of things. We actually agreed to meet up and talk. He said lets talk when we’re both ready and that hes sorry for everything.
Those words mean nothing to me. But im thinking now, if he’s an avoidant, which now come to think of it i think he was…then i feel like theres no point in talking because he already checked emotionally checked out. I just need to take back a few things from him but at the same time i dont want to see him because i feel like he doesnt deserve me being all nice to him and talking things out.
4 and a half months later OP added this update in the comments:
Hey! I just wanted to say it’s been almost five months now, and I’m in a much better place about everything. Honestly, I don’t really hold on to it anymore. I’ve come to realise that people are free to do whatever they want but it’s how they choose to do it that really shows who they are. Some people avoid things they’re not ready to face, and maybe that’s just their way of coping.
It’s not kind, and it’s not right but its just what it is and I’ve made peace with that. I hope you read this and know that you will come to acceptance one day too. Some days you’ll ponder about how the heck did that even happen but you’ll let it go because theres just nothing to it. Some puzzles dont have to be solved :).
About a year after the original post OP posted this update, from Rome:
Exactly one year ago, I was sitting in my room, feeling like my world had permanently shrunk. I poured my heart out to a group of strangers on this sub. My post blew up, and while the support was amazing, one specific DM changed everything.
A girl from Italy messaged me. She wasn’t just offering “sorry”s; she was living my exact timeline, feeling my exact flavor of pain. Across a 7-hour time difference and 10,000 kilometers (i live in Singapore), we started talking.
At first, it was just survival, checking in to make sure the other had eaten or stopped crying. But then, the DMs turned into daily life. We moved from “How do I stop missing them?” to “Look at this sunset,” “Listen to this song,” and “I think I’m going to be okay.” We healed through our screens, two strangers on opposite sides of the globe tethered together by a shared ache.
When I finally decided to reclaim my life and pla solo trip to Europe, she was my biggest cheerleader.
I was nervous. What if it was awkward? What if the Reddit friendship didn’t translate to real life?
But she drove four hours just to see me. When we finally stood face-to-face in Rome, there was no “getting to know you” phase. There was just this overwhelming sense of familiarity. We hit the streets of Rome like we’d been exploring together for years.
We laughed, we walked until our feet hurt, and we stood in front of monuments that felt small compared to the journey we’d taken to get there.
We had a moment where we looked at each other and realized the “worst thing” that ever happened to us, those breakups, was actually the price of admission for this friendship. If you had asked us a year ago if we’d trade the relationship for this, we would have said no. Now? We both agreed we’d choose the breakup every single time.
To anyone lurking here tonight, feeling like you’re shouting into a void: Your life is so much bigger than the person who left you. There are people you haven’t met yet who are going to love you, and there are cities you haven’t seen yet that will feel like home. Hold on. It gets so much better.♥️
Photo of the 2 of them in Rome:
Here’s what people had to say after the update:
doubtitx
This is the most wholesome post I’ve seen in a while. Two authentic souls, the friendship of a lifetime. I met my best friend in a similar way when we were out and she (as a stranger) saved me from a married man that was harassing me, if it weren’t for both of our breakups with abusive men, we would have never been allowed to venture out that evening.
Maybe-Potential OP:
Love that for both of you! Happy that both of you left toxic relationships and found each other. Truly a blessing. Wishing you a lifetime of peace and happiness 🥰
raleigh030
That’s amazing! This is how the Internet should be. It should connect us, destroy borders and help during the loneliest periods
After the comments started coming in, OP added this comment, and people replied:
Omggggg!! OP here 😭
I can’t believe the love this is getting! Also, to add to the craziness, we are the exact same age. It really feels like the universe meant for us to meet in this life. Thank you all for the kind words, it’s making this trip even more special! I will try to reply to all the love here when i can 🥰
From Spain, a tight warm hug to your kind Singaporean and Italian hearts. When I was young, I was so in love with the girl I was dating and she was such a special person that, when it was over (because life) after a year and a half, it took me basically three years to calm my soul and heal my heartbreak.
Then you learn you can fall in love again with yourself, with other wonderful people from all walks of life as friends, and likely with other special human beings as well. So thanks for sharing a nice story of resilience and hope!
Maybe-Potential OP:
Thank you so much for sharing yours too! Tight hugs back to you too kind human 😊🖖🏽. Spain is lovely!
Maybe-Potential OP:
I feel like I should add a quick “safety” note because a few people have messaged me asking if I was scared!
Please, if you meet someone on here, do your homework. We didn’t just jump into this; we exchanged socials and talked for an entire year first. We were also sending each other video notes, so by the time I booked my flight, I was 95% sure she was real.
There was still that tiny 5% doubt in my head that I’d end up stuffed in a luggage and thrown into a river, but it was a risk I was willing to take for a friendship this special. 😂 Thankfully, she’s just as real (and not a serial killer) as I hoped!
In another post OP summarized the whole journey, “6,700 miles. 1 shared heartbreak. 1 lifelong friendship.”
“Everything happens for a reason” feels like a lie when your life shatters. Last year, I was blindsided by a breakup that cost me everything. One Monday, I was home with my boyfriend and our dogs; by Tuesday, I was back at my parents’ house, traumatized and hollow.
I didn’t sleep for four months. The person who swore they couldn’t live without me simply walked away, leaving marks on my soul that I still carry today.
In the wreckage, I found a breakup community on Reddit. Your stories became my oxygen, helping me crawl through a year I didn’t think I’d survive. But the real turning point came when I read a post that sounded exactly like my own heartbreak.
I reached out to the girl who wrote it, and across the world, we started talking. Between the endless “How are you?” messages, we held each other’s hands through the screen. We weren’t just venting; we were helping each other breathe again.
Incredibly, a week ago, she flew all the way from Singapore to visit me in Italy. After months of digital tears, we finally stood together in the Roman Forum, getting lost in the ruins as if we’d been friends our entire lives.
It’s easy to say social media is shallow, but it gave me a soulmate-level friendship I never would have found otherwise. It’s so emotional to think that my deepest pain led me to a person I can count on forever. In a beautiful, strange way, our heartbreaks ended up being one of the best things that ever happened to us—they were the only path that could have led us to each other.
To breakups community: thank you for being the place where our healing began and where this friendship was born. Sometimes, time takes away what isn’t yours to finally give you what you truly deserve.
