“My wife insists on cooking everything from scratch. AITA?”
I’m 35M, my wife is 33F, married 5 years. This feels kind of dumb to even be arguing about, but here we are. Over the last year my wife has gotten really intense about food. She cooks everything from scratch now. Not just dinner, but literally all of it. It started off just bread, granola, cakes and stuff like that. But now it’s pasta sauces, potato waffles, literally everything!Before anyone jumps on me, yes, her food is good. She’s a good cook and I know she puts a ton of time into it. That’s not the issue. The issue is that sometimes I don’t want a homemade version of things. Sometimes I just want the normal, store-bought kind.Her argument is that she does most of the cooking and grocery shopping, so it makes sense to do things her way. She also says she doesn’t want junk food in the house at all because it “goes against her values.” I don’t really get that, but okay.What bugs me is her solution, which is that if I want junk food, I should eat it outside the house. So now if I want a burger or chips or whatever, I’m grabbing fast food on the way home or eating snacks at work like I’m hiding it. That feels ridiculous to me. I’m an adult, not a kid sneaking candy. I feel very deceptive.Whenever I bring this up, she says I’m being ungrateful and dismissing how much work she puts in. I don’t think that’s fair. I appreciate the effort, I just don’t want every single food choice to be homemade and “healthy” all the time. Am I actually the ahole here for wanting some normal, unhealthy food in my own house?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Far-Investigator-841 said:
NTA as a wife that LOVES to cook from scratch, there are times when kraft mac n cheese sounds good or a frozen pizza. Doesn’t mean my mac n cheese isnt better or that my fresh made pizza isnt more delicious. Just sometimes we want what were used to, or comfort food. Your a grown adult.
You should be able to eat those things in your home. Your not a petulant child asking for more goldfish as your primary meal. Try to talk to her and get to the heart of it. But remind just as much as she is wanting you to respect that she does the cooking and wants to do it fro. scratch, having creature comforts for you to consume or make yourself is perfectly reasonable. Your not forcing her to eat them.
wesmorgan1 said:
She doesn’t get to rule on every piece of food that comes into the house. Nothing says you have to eat the same meals at every sitting. NTA. There’s nothing wrong with having occasional times where each of you is responsible for your own meal.
(In my house, we call that “freelancing for dinner.”) Put a few of those on the schedule in advance (say, one dinner each week and a weekend lunch?) so she knows when not to cook for both of you.
BlondDee1970 said:
NTA. You’re a grown man and it sounds like your wife has gotten a bit controlling in regards to food. You’re in a marriage, not prison. You’re allowed choices. Choose a couple days a week where you’ll take care of your meals and stick to that. It’s not ungrateful – your wife is your partner – not your mom.
Reptyle216 said:
NTA. You’re an adult; you can make your own dietary choices and keep snack food for yourself in the kitchen that’s yours as much as it’s your wife’s. She doesn’t have to eat it. If she doesn’t understand that, remind her as often as necessary.
Mullein55 said:
NTA. It’s great that your wife cooks things from scratch and cares about healthy eating. However, you should not have to hide the fact that you enjoy fast food even if she doesn’t, or feel you must eat it behind her back.
Your wife is choosing to put a lot of effort into her cooking and expecting appreciation for it whilst not allowing you to choose to eat junk food/store bought food occasionally at home nor appreciating that this is a choice you wish to make. Seems unfair to me.
If it were me, once a month or so, I would just go ahead and tell her you are bringing home take out. Then bring it home and enjoy it. If she doesn’t like it, remind her this is your home too!
ohmysun said:
Never in my life have I heard a more privileged complaint. Shop for and make your own junk food and leave her out of it. You are your own person but its insane of you to act like she is the problem here. I would give so much to have someone making me homemade food all the time. YTA.
