“My BF and I are selling our home because I found out about his wife.”
I (34f) bought a home 3 years ago with my boyfriend (38m). We lived there with my son, our combined 4 dogs and a cat, until 6 months ago everything changed. He works out of town during the summer and I noticed some of the stories he was telling me about his trips weren’t adding up. I started getting a gut feeling and confronted him where he just called me insecure and jealous (Gaslight City, population: me).
I tried shaking it off and then I saw his ex (who he told me he was no contact with) commenting on his profile picture. I went to bed that night and was feeling pretty low and unsure about how to shake this feeling.
That night in my dream a specific box in a storage room full of 35 boxes and totes came to me. I woke up the next morning and looked through the box. It was full of Honeymoon pictures, wedding night pictures, etc. I didn’t mention this earlier but this man told me our entire relationship that he had never been married.
This time, I didn’t even trust him to tell the truth. I went straight to a background check to get it myself…I found out this man wasn’t just married in the past, but he is still currently married! I own a house with him. In my state she has legal rights to his half of my home. I was appalled.
I confronted him about the pictures and he was only focused on me invading his privacy. He said the marriage was fake and only to appease his religious family. I said no words and showed him the background check and he just made fun of me for “being in middle school” and being jealous.
This happened 5 months ago and I have spent my life savings on legal fees to finally get him to agree to a buyout and leave me and my son alone to heal and live in peace. I get to keep the house and some of my pride knowing that he cannot lie to me ever again.
This was long winded but a small example of his lies in the past: he got caught snapchatting a stripper and told me it was his cousin. He showed my boudoir photos to his coworkers and made fun of me for being fat (I’m not..but he is medically overweight).
He told me he can talk to anyone he wants because I text my ex (as in my sons father…and only text about my sons basic needs or pick up/drop off). He has a ring in his safe that he only pulled out when we were fighting to show me what I could have if I stopped being so unhappy and insecure.
I write this to you from a hotel bed while I wait for my loan to close in 20 days, then he can be legally removed from the home I had hoped to spend with him forever. Has anyone been through this? Were you able to love again?
TLDR: I purchased a home with my boyfriend who has a wife and a pattern of lying. I finally accomplished the steps to have the house in my name and get him out of my life.
This is what people had to say to OP:
KittyBookcase said:
Trust your gut. You’re doing the right thing. Also , by showing intimate photos to his friends/coworkers and body shaming you, get the proof (screen shots, texts, whatever you have) and have him arrested. Luckily, you are able to remove yourself from the relationship. Stay strong, and good luck.
zeiaxar said:
If you bought a house with him and he was on any paperwork for a mortgage, you need to get the bank involved because he’d have committed felony fraud. You’re required by law to disclose relationship status (meaning if you’re married or not), as well as any income your spouse makes if you’re married and applying for a mortgage.
Which means that if you were both on the mortgage, he committed felony fraud. And you might be able to go after him for every penny you spent on legal fees and his half of the house.
OP responded:
You aren’t completely wrong here, actually. Between August (when I found the pictures) and January, that is where I applied most of my legal focus. Before I could get too far he met up with her, got her to sign a non contested divorce and he’s been legally divorced since mid January (less than a month at the time of writing this).
I might secure the house and then push for fees and such, right now id lose every dime just to get him out. I’ve been distracted at work, always shaking and sweating and living out of my vehicle and hotels. I. Just. Want. My. Home.
jasno- said:
On the plus side, you found yourself a new career. Dream detective. You’re going to make a lot money, solving crimes and mysteries, all the white getting really good sleep.
OP responded:
Thank you! He made so much fun of me for “looking for something to be mad about” pr “playing detective” and I always laughed because my gut was always right and my dreams would help me know where to look. Might go look for a cool detective hat to celebrate him being out soon.
Spicyghosting said:
I say this with my whole being, effffff that guy. Proud of you for doing what’s best for you and the little one. Liars always lose.
Background-War9535 said:
Have you told his wife? I guarantee you that there is more to his sleaziness and he deserves to get called out.
OP responded:
Yes. I went with him to divorce her. I could write an entirely different essay about that day. She did not know they were still married and had 3 kids with another dude. Technically my bf could have had legal ramifications for those kids needs since they were on paper still married.
Roadgoddess said:
If I could give you a different perspective, I too have had a faulty guy picker in my past. About six years ago I decided that I was going to focus on myself and my created family of friends. I have ended up remaining single for the last six years, and I have never been happier.
I feel like sometimes we focus on that the only way that we’re only whole is when we’re in a relationship, but I would counter. We’re only whole when we truly take the time to work on and love ourselves.
Take some time, get therapy, spend time with your son, don’t worry about whether or not the next man is going to come along. Enjoy where you are in this moment and love yourself.
OP responded:
I wholeheartedly agree! I truly plan on being single until my son is an adult at least. Even though this bf was never super cool to my kiddo, my kid loved this guy. He doesn’t know what he put me through and I wont ever tell him. I cant picture him meeting another man and getting close to him, that would be really unfair of me.
