AITA for not wanting to change bars because a friend doesn’t smoke
My some friends and I were out one night at a local dive bar where indoor smoking is allowed. We were having a good time, drinking beer, smoking, and just sitting and talking.
At some point, someone from a university group chat messaged asking if anyone was out. It wasn’t a planned group thing, just one person checking (very normal within the group). We replied that we were at this dive bar. They asked if they could join, and we said yes.
About 10–15 minutes later, they messaged again asking if we were still at the same bar. We said we were. They then asked if we wanted to move to a different bar because they don’t smoke.
For some background: when we usually go out with people from uni, we almost always go to non-smoking bars, which is fine with me, I’ll just step outside when I want a cigarette. The issue for me and my friends is that many of those bars play music so loudly that it’s hard to talk, and we mostly enjoy just sitting and chatting when we go out. That night, we were enjoying the quieter dive bar and didn’t feel like moving.
So we replied that we didn’t really want to change bars, but that they were still welcome to join us. The tone of the conversation changed after that, and they replied something like, “Wow, so you don’t want to hang out with me?” We were kinda dumbfounded. We told them it wasn’t about that at all, they were welcome, but we just didn’t want to move bars. They then said we were being assholes for not being willing to accommodate them, since they don’t smoke and didn’t want to smell like smoke for a week afterward. I understand that concern, knowing how my own clothes smell after the bar, even if I think “smelling like smoke for a week” is an exaggeration.
We replied that we often go to non-smoking bars with uni friends, but this time we just wanted to stay where we were. Their last message said they thought we were better friends than this and that we were being inconsiderate.
So… AITA (or are we) for not wanting to change bars?
