“AITA for telling my son its ok to turn down a girl who asked him to prom in front of the whole school?”
My son is 15. He’s a sophomore. He’s been looking forward to prom since the beginning of the year because his school lets sophomores go and its a big deal to him. He’s on the basketball team and he’s a sweet kid but he struggles with social anxiety really badly. He’s been in therapy for it since his dad and I split up a few years ago. Big public situations are really hard for him.
So last week at a pep rally one of the girls in his class did this whole promposal thing. Poster confetti her friends filming the whole thing. She did it right in the middle of the gym in front of basically the entire school.
My son had never spoken to this girl before. Like not once. They don’t have classes together, they don’t hang out, they have zero connection. She just decided she wanted to ask him and went all out with it.
I wasn’t there but someone sent me the video before he even got home. And I could see it on his face. He was frozen. Smiling but not really smiling you know. That smile he does when he’s panicking inside but trying to hold it together. Her friends kept pushing like omg whats your answer say yes say yes. And he eventually just kind of nodded.
When he got home he was a mess. Said he doesn’t want to go with her. Doesn’t know her. He wanted to go with his friend group or maybe ask someone he actually talks to. But he felt trapped because she did it in front of everyone and now if he says no he’s the bad guy.
Some of his friends are telling him to just go with her its one night. One of them actually said something like I would say yes to anyone who asked me because thats just being a good person. And that made me really uncomfortable because since when is saying yes to something you don’t want being a good person.
I told my son he is allowed to say no. That being put on the spot publicly doesn’t mean he owes anyone a yes. That his comfort matters too and nobody gets to pressure him into something just because they made a big gesture.
He ended up telling the girl he was really flattered but he wanted to go with his friends. She was upset. Her mom is apparently furious and has been telling people Im raising my son to be disrespectful to women. Some of the other parents are giving me looks now too.
And I keep thinking am I the jerk here? Because yeah I feel bad for the girl. That took courage and rejection sucks especially at that age. But my son didn’t ask for that. He was put in an impossible situation in front of hundreds of people and the only acceptable answer was supposed to be yes. Thats not fair to him.
I don’t want to raise a kid who says yes to everything just to avoid conflict. I want him to know his boundaries matter even when saying no is uncomfortable. But apparently that makes me a bad parent somehow. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Far_Stage_5524
You taught your son that no is a complete sentence and thats not disrespect thats a life skill.
savageplushie
A big gesture doesn’t entitle anyone to a yes, especially when it’s done in front of the whole school. Teaching your son he can say no is not disrespectful, NTA.
Fearless_County3033
“Being disrespectful to women” LOOOOOL
You taught your son that no means no. He has absolute and total bodily autonomy at all times, he owes that girl in his grade nothing. Just because the person who asked him was a girl doesn’t mean he owes her anything. This is good parenting I wish I got as a kid.
GirlStiletto
NTA. The girl who asked him out publicly and her mom are TA. She ambushed him in public with no warning and then asked him out, putting him on the spot. He said yes to avoid embarrassing her (and because she manipulated him) and then was nice enough to turn her down privately.
This is why promposals (and public proposals) are a horrible, selfish, and manipulative idea. It is putting the victim on the spot and pressuring them to say yes. The girl deserves to be disappointed. She is a disrespectful, manipulative person who will continue to abuse people int he future if not stopped.
LiliWenFach
I would flip the situation around for the girl’s mother – would she want her daughter feeling pressured to commit to a date with a strange boy/man just because he asked her in public? He doesn’t even know her! That’s utterly crazy to me.
CellarDoor238
You’re being the opposite of a bad parent. You are teaching your son that his feelings matter. He has every right in the world to say no and his wishes should be respected not vilified. NTA.
ada-byron
I was thinking as I was reading this, if the roles were reversed and a guy who didn’t know the girl did that in front of everyone, it would be considered SH. What the girl did was EXTREMELY inappropriate.! I mean they are virtually just strangers and she treated him like an object.
FakeGirlfriend
I’m not very old but I had a teacher in grade 8 tell us girls that if a guy asks you to dance, you should just say yes because it took a lot of courage for him to ask you and it would embarrass him if you said no.
We were taught that our feelings are less important than his feelings, and that we should let him touch our bodies for 3min 30sec so he wouldn’t be embarrassed. I have been mad about that for like 30 years. So, no. It is very cool someone had the guts to ask, they can also be told no and have the guts to face rejection. That’s a lesson too.
So, what do you think of this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?
