AITAH if I tell my friend he had no right to tell my fiance what I said
Hi everyone, my fiancée and I have been together for 5 years and recently found out she was pregnant. I was extremely excited, but she wasn’t. In the past we’ve talked about having kids. We both said we want one someday, but she wanted to wait, which I was fine with. I also asked her multiple times how she felt about pregnancy and contraception, but her answer was always “I don’t know.” After finding out she was pregnant, she told me she wanted an abortion.
I was completely against it and have been clear about that since we started dating. I was devastated and vented privately to my best friend, Jerry. For background, my fiancée often avoids serious conversations about important things like savings, insurance, and long-term planning. In the heat of the moment I told Jerry that if it wasn’t for me, we wouldn’t have savings or stability.
I admit that wasn’t the best way to say it, but I was frustrated. Jerry told me he was just listening and reminded me that pregnancy can affect someone mentally and emotionally. I told him I understood, but I also felt I had been clear about what I was and wasn’t okay with. A day later I got a text from his girlfriend (my fiancée’s best friend) saying Jerry wanted to distance himself from me. I apologized and told him I’d talk whenever he wanted. What upset me is that a couple days later Jerry hung out with my fiancée and told her everything I said.
I told him those things in private, and I feel like it should have been my decision to bring those issues up with her. I was already planning to talk to my fiancée, but Jerry inserting himself made an already tense situation worse. I told my fiancée I wasn’t trying to attack her, but expressing how I’ve felt in our relationship. For example, I’ve tried to build savings and plan ahead, but she hasn’t taken it seriously. Another example is insurance: I asked her multiple times to check on it, but she didn’t until she felt sick and needed the hospital, which could have left us with a huge bill and hurt our plans to buy a house. My fiancée told me Jerry thinks I was acting like his father (who he doesn’t speak to) and that I was being misogynistic. I explained what I meant and told her I’m upset because Jerry could’ve talked to me directly instead of getting between us. I honestly don’t know if I’m being a jerk here. Can I get some outside perspective?
