AITAH for being exhausted by my boyfriends problems?
Me (22F) and my boyfriend (23M) of 7.5 years have been struggling for the last few months for problems that are/arent in his control.
For some context, we got together in high school and have been inseparable ever since. We have done everything together.
When we started dating, I was aware he had anaphlaxis to eggs and nuts and struggled with eczema. He was using topical steroids prescribed by him from doctors and had been doing so since he was a child. A few years ago they stopped working and went through total Topical Steroid Withdrawal. I watched him turn into a shell of himself. He was no longer bubbly or confident. He didnt want to go out or do anything. He took me away for my birthday but didnt want to do anything or explore the town we went to because his skin. I have been completely understanding of this and stood by his side the whole time until recently. I would stay in and organise fun indoor ideas, try make foods and platters that he could have and enjoy (so he wouldnt feel bad). I would make allergy friendly dupes for food so he wouldnt feel like hes missing out. I would massage his creams and give him anything he asked. He wanted a cold environment to sleep in, so I would let him do so to the point where I caught a really serious illness from being exposed to the cold for so long. I have absolutely worn myself out trying to be an emotional confidant where he cant turn to his family or friends.
He tried a new injection and combined it with the Keto diet which made a massive difference. I did the diet with him and I wont lie, I had a great transformation and lost heaps of weight. Then he went cold turkey again. Cut the diet and the dupixent and since then his skin has taken a turn for the worse and hes stuck once again; namely on his face and neck only.
It has gotten so bad to the point where he doesnt want to go to work, doesnt want to go out, nothing. We’re back at square one. And I was all there with him until I started noticing really concerning behaviours and he started saying concerning things.
We’re at the point in our relationship where shits getting serious. I want to get engaged (No rush in getting married though). We’ve been together for so long and we’re ready to buy a house and build a bit of a investment property together. I have been extremely clear about wanting to be engaged before buying a house as it adds that little bit of security for me and is the next step in our relationship. We both still live separately with our parent. We’ve had what feels like hundreds of conversations about how he is understanding of my home/ engagement boundary and to no avail. No engagement ring.
A few weeks ago, we had a whole day planned of looking at open homes together. He called me on his way and said that he didnt want to go into any because of his skin. He told me he just wanted to drive by and I can walk through alone if I wanted. This really upset me. I ended up convincing him to come and that people arent looking at him. Agents will take your money regardless of how you look and prospective buyers are there to buy the house, not judge his skin. He agreed and walked in, rushing through each home with sunnies on to hide his eyes which were the most impacted that day.
Later that day, on the drive home, he told me that if his skin was bad he “didnt want to buy a home”. That’s when I cracked it. He constantly complains about wanting to have an investment and to move out with me, and then he turns and says that? He told me it would taint the experience and he doesnt want that. Right.
A few days later he came to my house and I had sprayed myself with perfume to smell good for him. He cracked it and said that its not good for his skin and I shouldnt be wearing it around him. Not only that but he said that my dogs hair should be cleaned off the bed for him to sleep in (which I always do). But at his house, he has three pets and has never wiped the family couch they go on when he wants to sit down. His shedding cat sleeps on his dirty clothes in his laundry but thats never been an issue. Anyway, I said okay and went about my day.
Its all I hear about. And I have been extremely understanding and taken it all up to this point. I love this man with my whole heart but the way he is acting has really got me questioning things. I no longer complain about myself and my insecurities because its always overshadowed with his skin insecurity and he makes it that way. Besides the fact I am really discouraged about the fact we still aren’t engaged after 7.5 years and it really makes me feel like I’m not good enough or a priority to him, I am so tired of it. He says he has never felt so alone, which really hurts me as I have tried to be with him every step. The only thing he wants to do is cut out literally all foods. I have encouraged him to go to a dietitian or to try specific diets to rule things out because cutting EVERYTHING is dangerous.
Before you say anything, I know he is struggling and its all he thinks of but its to the point where he is becoming lowkey controlling of what I do, makes all his decisions based on his skin and is neglecting our relationship (ie. doesn’t want to come over, or spend time with me unless I go to his house which is pitch black so he can avoid the sun; not an environment I thrive in at all). He doesn’t want to try any new suggestions or try any new dermatologists and what he does try, I have to force him into it.
What do I do? I love him so so much and all I want is a future with him, but I am fully physically and emotionally exhausted by this. It has taken over everything which again, I know is so hard for him but he isnt taking on any advice. What happens when we have kids? He wont look after me or them if his skin is bad? Please help! AITA? What can I do to help this situation???
