“6 year relationship damaged over an insta post 31F & 34M.”
Hi everyone, I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really confused and hurt. A week ago today, my fiancé got very upset because I liked an Instagram post.
It was a video of a girl at a Bad Bunny concert (I’m a fan of his), and the caption said something like “I shaved my entire body just in case.” I honestly thought it was funny and liked it without thinking much of it. There was no intention behind it…I wasn’t trying to be inappropriate.
When he brought it up, I understood why it made him uncomfortable and I apologized right away. For the first few days after, he barely spoke to me and we stayed in separate rooms most of the day. Three days later, I tried to bring it up calmly to talk it through, but the argument actually got worse.
During that fight, I brought up what felt like double standards. A few months ago, he had sent a picture of t*ts in a group chat with his friends and then told me he wont stop doing it cause its only a boys chat but he’ll ensure that I’m not around, which really bothered me at the time but I eventually chose to forgive and move on.
When I mentioned this, he said I can’t compare the two situations and got very angry that I brought it up. (I hate bringing up past situations but again it’s hard not too).
He then told me our relationship is now “damaged,” that he can never look at me the same, and that I’m basically not trustworthy anymore.. all over liking that Instagram post.
Since then, he’s completely shut me out again.
We barely talk, stay in separate rooms all day, and when I try small gestures like ordering food for us, he’ll grab it without saying thank you and go back into his office. I understand that liking the post upset him, and I owned that and apologized. But a full week of silence, being told the relationship is damaged, and being treated coldly feels extreme to me.
***Lets just say I did not bring up the boob story here*** did I mess up really bad with the post?
At this point I’m starting to wonder if this is unhealthy or even emotional manipulation.
Has anyone experienced something like this?
Is this kind of reaction normal, or does this sound excessive/unhealthy?
Any advice would be appreciated.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
RRayves wrote:
Is he serious? Him using a scapegoat of essentially the saying “boys will be boys” to rationalize sending nudes of other women in a group chat is absolutely diabolical.
You liked a video of one of the most popular and anticipated concerts in the world at the moment, and due to the caption (which could have been completely unrelated to why you liked the picture), your boyfriend jumped through 1.4million conclusions and is acting like a teenage boy.
Yeah this ain’t it lol — He sounds like a little kid who wants the freedom to do what he wants, yet gets angry and lacks communication skills at things that don’t even compare to what he’s done…
OP responded:
The whole “boys will be boys” excuse does NOT sit right with me either ..it felt more like a way to justify behavior instead of taking responsibility for it. The assumptions and jumping to conclusions is what really bothered me.
It felt blown way out of proportion compared to what he’s done, and the double standard is becoming harder to ignore. I’m starting to see how immature the communication around these situations really is.
ijusttunemyselfout wrote:
So it’s not okay for you to like a joke on an Insta post, but it’s totally fine for him to share nude pics of other women, as long as he (begrudgingly) only does so when you’re not around?? And he is cold shouldering you as punishment for calling him out??
I’m sorry, but this post cannot be real. And if it is, are you sure he’s not sharing pics of you without your consent? Like, girl (or bot)…wake up! Learn your own worth, and go find someone who actually likes you.
OP responded:
Unfortunately this post is real, I wish it wasn’t lol. This is why I mentioned the double standard thing to him. But in his eyes I shouldn’t be bringing up what he’s done in the past because I “messed up” this time.
Carmelpi wrote:
WTF? OP, your bf just did the classic “find a nitpicky thing to create an argument where you are at fault so he can feel less guilty or not guilty about some sketchy behavior you are unaware of.”
If I were you, I would go to the doctor and request an STD panel. Then I would kindly pack all of his stuff and have his buddies come get it and then change the locks. Going over the top like this over something as innocuous and inane as liking ANOTHER GIRL’s POST over a famous singer is a classic sign of deflection and projection – he is cheating or has cheated on you recently.
He wants an out but he doesn’t want everyone to know he’s the bad guy, so he’s pulling this to make you the bad guy. The worst part is this is probably the dumbest one I’ve seen. Unless you are known to lick the meat out of tacos and also have access to random celebrities for frisky shenanigans, his argument holds no water or weight.
He’s literally just making up an argument so he can feel morally superior while he has his own frisky shenanigans. I’m not the best at comebacks, so I shall leave it to the rest of reddit to give you the best answer for his lying, cheating, ass when he starts the blame game again.
OP responded:
I get why it looks that simple from the outside, and I appreciate the concern. I just want to add that we actually bought a house together last year, so leaving isn’t as easy as packing bags and changing locks unfortunately. That being said, I do hear what you’re saying about the deflection/projection part.
The more I read these responses, the more I’m realizing how blown out of proportion this whole thing was and how it turned into me being the one at fault over something really minor. It’s definitely making me reflect on the bigger patterns and not just this one argument.
throwaway768977 wrote:
He’s overreacting or just using this as an excuse to make you grovel or maybe even end the relationship. I’m more concerned he’s sending pictures of boobs in his group chat, that is some seriously creepy teenage boy behaviour WTF.
Ask him if he wants to either move past this and act like a rational adult (also stop sending nudes to his mates) or if he really can’t forgive you he needs to muster up the courage to break up. He can’t just punish you indefinitely. But ideally you should end it first, he sounds insufferable.
OP responded:
He says the chat is 99% soccer and 1% women talk. I still think it is disrespectful and he brushes it off because in his mind it is not. I just need to seek professional help. Im booked for Wednesday to see a therapist. I can’t take this BS.
Mean_Prize5459 wrote:
This was never about the Instagram post. This is about him finding a way to guilt trip you into believing you did something wrong so that you’ll stop pestering him about the way he enjoys exchanging pictures of nude women with friends.
Now he has something to dangle over you whenever you speak up about his behavior. It’s wildly immature and you should be glad he’s showing you who he is now before you get married.
calmoceanbreeze wrote:
You know in 6 years this isn’t the first red flags. 🚩 It’s time to start waking up before he gets you pregnant.
Time to realize all the manipulation and toxic a**sive behavior. Time to wake up. The world has been wanting you to wake up for years now.
OP responded:
Thank you for your message. He does not want kids and I’m starting to think I don’t want them either. We have a puppy and that’s quite challenging itself. I cannot imagine raising a child. I am starting therapy this week to get a professional perspective and work through everything more clearly. I’m trying to take this seriously and reflect on the patterns instead of brushing things off.
