AITAH for buying a house and moving my family out of my MIL’s house?
Background: my wife (36) has 3 siblings, B1 (M, 35), S (F, 28) and B2 (M, 22). Before COVID my FIL passed away and my MIL was destroyed by it, at the time S and B2 were still at home, and B2 was still in high school. I convinced my wife to move us and out daughters in with my MIL to help her take care of things, bills, house stuff, etc. MIL loved the idea and said that $2,000 a month would cover all our expenses (i.e. phone plan, car insurance (we combined both families onto one), utilities and food).
She also said that we would be considered co-owners of the house and would have equal access to all spaces and equal parts in all decisions. We agreed and moved in 2020. In 2021 B1 went through an ugly divorce and moved back into the house with us all. Around this time a he also lost his job so we were asked to bump up our contribution to $2100 to cover the extra person. We did, no complaints.
So the way the house is setup is important to the next bit. The bathroom and shower that my family (myself, wife and 2 daughters) used was in our bedroom (part of the suite) and there was also a hallway full bath on the same floor, used by S and B2. Wife and I cleaned our bathroom twice a week, S and B2 cleaned theirs once a month…if you get the picture.
So B1 moves home and asks to use our bathroom as the other was “disgusting.” We said yes, because he was having a rough time and wanted to help as much as possible. In 2022, citing rising costs, MIL had us start paying $2300 a month, while also having me drive her to work and pick up B2 from school everyday in my car (wife and I have 2 cars, mine and hers…this is important). In 2023, B2 totaled his car, and MIL asks if he can use my car.
At the time we said okay, because wife and I worked close enough that we could carpool with hers (mind you we are still making payments on mine). B2 makes payments to us for the car for 6 months before he too loses his job and decides that he is going to stay unemployed while he goes to school online. MIL sets up a credit card for him for gas money, that she pays (also S is unemployed and has never had a job ever). In early 2024 wife asks S to clean up a part of the kitchen table (S had been using it for hobby projects financed by MIL). MIL said that she (S) is entitled to that space, she needs it to work on her stuff.
At this point wife and I had bought a mini fridge and microwave for our suite because we never had access to the kitchen for cooking or food. Also, our contribution was upped to $2,500 a month. We asked for a breakdown of finances, unsure of where our money was going. It’s important to note that we learned around this time that FIL’s life insurance had paid off the mortgage on the house, and his car (which B2 wrecked).
MIL bought her own car prior to this and told us that she was making payments on it to try and stay ahead of everything (should have asked what that meant but we didn’t). In 2024 B1 gets a gf (G) who moves in with us, as well as her son…who all are still using our bathroom, citing the other bathroom as too dirty (btw, they helped clean ours maybe once every two months).
In 2025 wife and I manage to work together at the same place, and we are asked to up our contribution to $3,000 a month. We ask why and to see financial records and are given the run around every time. Also during this time I pay off my car and ‘gift’ it to B2, trying to avoid an argument over money. In mid-2025 I help B1 with something outside of the house and casually ask what he and G are contributing to finances. He says $500 every month or so (he had found a job in 2022 and had met G at said job). Curious I dug further and he told me that MIL was making double payments on all her credit cards and car loans, and had been for years. I confronted MIL and she said that “it’s my house, I’m just allowing you to live here.” At this point, my wife and I have an honest conversation about whether we can continue to live there (she had been written into MIL’s will for co-ownership of the house with S, since S has never had a job, or even a driver’s license, and MIL “wanted to make sure that she always had somewhere to live.”).
In late summer of 2025 wife and I get a unique opportunity to buy a house, perfect layout, five minutes from our work, great school district, so we go ahead and start the process. We tell the family about it and MIL yells at us that we are liars, promise breakers and we are refusing to do what we promised. She tells us that we abandoning the family, abandoning our responsibilities, and are proving ourselves to be untrustworthy.
We keep moving forward in the process and get keys to the house and move over Thanksgiving. Only my wife’s cousin, who lives four hours away, comes to help us; the rest of the family kind of ignores us. Last day of moving, there is a huge snowstorm, and I am out at MIL’s house loading the truck alone (wife, daughters and cousin are at the new house unpacking boxes and trying to get things setup). B1 and B2 come outside and make snowmen while I am loading the truck, and when I asked for help they both claimed they were busy. MIL saw me once and complained that I got the floor wet from snow. I leave and nobody says goodbye. For the record, I picked up the moving truck at 11 a.m. and returned it at 11:58 p.m.
During this time wife and I fully separated our finances out (phone and car insurance) before we moved into our house. First week of December MIL contacts us and says that we owe her $1000 a month for the next year to cover our living expenses and “sudden move.” We say no, we don’t live there anymore and shes says “when you fail you can’t come back.”
After that she only texts my wife in group texts with wife’s aunts and grandma, but never directly. We haven’t seen her since, though we had planned activities together that she had to abandon “due to no longer being able to afford it.”
Wife is devastated because she
had a good relationship with her mom up until this point and now feels like she was just being used for money. For the record, everything we pay now, put together, comes out to <$3,000 a month.
So AITAH for moving my family out?
