AITAH for asking my dad if I can live with my grandparents instead of him?
I (m16) live with my dad, his wife, my stepsiblings (f10, m8) and my half sibling (m1) and my dad’s wife is pregnant again so I have another half sibling on the way. Things at home are tense because my dad’s wife doesn’t like me for not loving my stepsiblings like full bio siblings and wanting to include them in everything.
It started after her and my stepsiblings moved in with me and dad. Dad and his wife (girlfriend then) and told me that my mom’s parents and siblings were not okay with including my stepsiblings in holidays, parties and other time I spent with them. So dad wanted to know how I would feel about seeing them way less or not at all. He said I don’t have a relationship with his family (true) so they’re my only extended family but they didn’t want to treat all the members of our family, or all the kids in our family, the same.
He said he didn’t think that should be rewarded but he wanted to hear what I said. I told him I thought it made sense they wouldn’t want to include the kids and I wanted to see them regardless. His wife asked what if that really hurt her kids feelings and what if this prevents us from becoming a real family and I told her I didn’t want to lose my family for anyone. She told me I have two younger siblings to think about and I told her I didn’t.
My dad decided not to change my relationship or access to my grandparents and my aunts, uncles and cousins. He said he didn’t want to make me pull away over this and we’d figure something out but his wife hated me after that. She has commented at weird and random times that I might treat her kids fine but I don’t love them like siblings should be loved and that it’s disgusting for me to pick adults who could reject kids over kids who just want to be loved.
I don’t mind playing video games with my stepsiblings or making snacks for them and stuff like that. But I don’t want them in every part of my life. And I don’t get why I would need to include them in my mom’s family when they have nothing to do with my mom (who died when I was younger) or her family.
That’s not how my dad’s wife sees it though and she has said if I loved them like real bio siblings I would say it’s all or none. She didn’t put up a fight when she had my half sibling but I think things not changing for me then made he dislike of me worse. Now she’ll ask me what the hell I’m doing every single day. If I make a sandwich she’ll ask me that, if I get a glass of water she’ll ask me that, if I’m coming out of the bathroom she’ll ask me that. I even heard her and dad argue over spending money on me to do activities. She doesn’t think I should get a penny if household money when I don’t want to be the older brother to her kids.
My stepsiblings get really quiet when the tension is super high. I get really pissed off sometimes. And she’s pregnant again so the whole thing is probably bad overall. That’s why I asked dad if I could live with my grandparents. I already talked to them to see if they’d be okay with it and then I asked dad. He looked really hurt when I asked and he was like why would you want that and I told him none of this is good and we need to stop living in hell. He told me I’ll make his wife even more convinced that I reject all of them and I told him I don’t care. That this is his family and he’s got more kids coming and I have another home to go to where there’s no constant tension.
His wife had a weird reaction. At first she got really mad and was cursing about me. Eventually her reaction was more what I expected and she wants me to go. But my dad’s still upset and hurt that I want this. I think it would be better for everyone because there’s no way I’m going to counseling with his wife, if that’s something he wanted to try. That woman can move to Australia for all I care.
AITAH?
