“AITA for telling my bff she should just have an open relationship?”
Her husband’s cheated on her regularly for years since high school. She even found out he was on Grindr once. She calls upset, I comfort her and try boost her mood over and over. Sometimes gently recommending leaving but it’s useless.
Then one day my husband pointed out that she seems to call for that more than just “hello, how are you?” Though we are both in our 30s now with our own busy lives. She obviously reaches out to me because I care about her.
After he pointed that out I started to be annoyed more than sympathetic when she would call. I mean she reads his secret texts or finds his hidden dating apps and then makes him a fancier dinner than usual. She doesn’t even call him out like she used to.
Well one day I snapped. I frustratingly told her that she was never going to leave him anyway so she should just have an open relationship or not make that the focus of our conversations. She was obviously hurt and angry. She has hardly talked to me in more than a year and my calls to her are short and awkward now.
We have been friends since middle school. I don’t want to ruin that. I probably could have handled it more tactfully. If my damn husband didn’t tell me she was using me to vent I might not have even realized. Maybe we are all wrong here?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
treehuggerfroglover says:
NTA to your friend but it sounds like you are to your husband. He was trying to look out for you when he noticed a situation that wasn’t fair or kind to you. And you turn around and blame him, refer to him as “my damn husband”, and call him a jerk. It’s not his fault you decided to approach the situation horribly.
strangelifereally says:
NTA. But I’m biased because it’s a pet peeve of mine when people constantly whine and complain while they have no intentions of changing anything.
Select-Anxiety-1557 says:
NTA. You can only listen to the same complaint so many times, especially if she’s not willing to actual address it with her husband or do something about it.
SomeoneYouDontKnow70 says:
NTA. This is like a child sitting in a pool of ice and complaining that they’re cold while still refusing to leave the pool. There’s an easy fix for this problem, and if your friend doesn’t want to apply it, then she should just quit whining about it already.
