“AITA if I get a tattoo my husband doesn’t approve of?”
My husband (m35) isn’t into tattoos. I (f33) have a few tattoos already that I got before we met, nothing too big and both are related to friends. My husband doesn’t really like tattoos in general, but has expressed that he doesn’t care that I have them either. I have been wanting a new tattoo for years but never really knew what I wanted. Until recently.
I finally came up with a tattoo idea that I would enjoy having; an isopod crawling on my wrist. So tonight I reached out to an artist to set it up. But when I told my husband my plans, he got a bit upset with me over it and now I don’t know what to do. Here is the context:
My husband has a bug hobby. Specifically isopods and millipedes. Things have not been going well for him lately in that department. A lot of his bugs have not made it for various reasons and he can’t seem to get the situation under control.He currently has a couple of isopod species that are doing well- one of which is the specific isopod species I was going to get tattooed. The reason he said he doesn’t want me to get the tattoo is because if these isopods end up dying, seeing one tattooed on me will remind him of his failures.
I was so excited about this because I thought it would be a cute tattoo that would remind me of him because we both share a love of this species and they’re very pretty and cute. But he shot me down so fast about it, I just left his room dejected, telling him I guess I would just cancel my inquiry with the artist. Now he’s locked himself in his room.
Part of me wants to argue with him and consider getting the tattoo anyway. But I’m not sure if this makes me an ahole. I know how crushed he has been with his other bugs dying and I do want to be sensitive about his feelings, but the species I was going to get is currently doing really well and showing no signs of failing, so I feel like his reaction is a bit over the top. WIBTA if I went through with getting the tattoo?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
LdiJ46 said:
He has given you a pretty decent reason why he doesn’t want you to get that particular tattoo. I would be inclined to respect his wishes on that if I were in your shoes. You could hold off for a while to see how things go.
Nanabanafofana said:
YTA. you can do what you want because your body your choice. But…Let’s reverse this scenario. You wrote a novel and shopped it around to over a dozen publishers and was rejected every single time. Your husband wants to support your writing and decides to get a tattoo of the title of your failed novel. Would you appreciate having that tattooed on his wrist so that you can see your failure every. single. day?
AdSilly2598 said:
I was 100% on your side until he explained why he didn’t like it- I think that’s a pretty valid reason for him to not enjoy the idea. It’s a really cute and endearing concept, but I also wouldn’t want to see a reminder of my own “failure” all the time. Is there a type of bug he loves that he wouldn’t try to raise?
ExitTheHandbasket said:
YTA. You mentioned it to him, he told you in plain language it would upset him, and you’re still considering it. So you would intentionally and permanently modify your body in a way that you know will upset the person you’ve committed to spending the rest of life with.
ODB247 said:
YTA your body, your choice but I actually side with him. Dude doesn’t want a reminder of his failures which have lead to the deaths of his little buddies. Poor guy.
bsmiles07 said:
YTA, he is giving you a valid reason not to get that specific tattoo. At this time. Who knows in the future it may be an option. Do you love your partner and care about his feelings? The answer will be yes or no depending on if you get the tattoo. I would never do something that would cause my significant other pain if I could help it. We fight and we compromise but I would not hurt him intentionally.
You getting this tattoo would hurt him, and it would essentially be you doing it with the knowledge it would be a painful thing for him. Pick a different bug or a different tattoo. That options are endless.
exploratorystory said:
YTA. To me this reads as you getting a tattoo of one of HIS hobbies. I would not like it if my spouse got a tattoo of something that I really enjoyed. It feels kind of like one upmanship
After reading the comments, OP edited the post to include:
Thank you everyone for your input. I will probably not get the tattoo, which I am sad about, but I don’t want to be the AH here. I will discuss with my husband once he’s cooled down about it if he’s okay with me changing the species or if this is just totally off the table and I have to find a new idea for a tattoo.
Your responses have helped me be able to approach this more pragmatically to prevent it causing any further tension, so thank you very much. My husband and I talked. I told him I didn’t want to upset him by getting the tattoo. He actually said he liked the idea and thought it was cute and told me I could get it if I wanted.
I explained that I didn’t want to get it if it made him uncomfortable or sad and that I was worried if I did and his bugs didn’t make it, it would be upsetting for him. I asked him if he had any suggestions about other species he would think were cute (and also to try to make sure I don’t accidentally suggest one that he lost as I don’t know all of them…
…and there were quite a few he’s had), but he said the one I chose was probably the best option for a tattoo in his opinion. He even said if he had any interest in ever getting a tattoo himself, he’d be inclined to get the same. I’m definitely feeling a bit of whiplash on his emotions right now. I asked him to think on it a bit and we can talk about it again tomorrow just to be sure he’s 100% okay with it.
Also, I feel like I need to address. 1- isopods are not like cats and dogs. They breed, prolifically. So you start with a few and they have babies then they breed again and again and you eventually have a colony. His already have babies. So it’s not like they are just doomed to die like normal pets.
It’s almost an infinite pet in a way. We have plans to spread them into another vivarium in the house (which is my pride and joy, and will need to be ripped apart, but I am giving it to him to support him) so we will eventually have a second colony. Yes, they could still die, but he’s learned a lot of lessons and personally I think it’s more supportive to assume that this time will work out rather than assuming it won’t?
2- I like isopods too, guys. Lol it’s not like I’m just hijacking his hobby to tattoo on me. This is a hobby we share, I have isopods of my own, and this is one of my favorite species. just this species is his flagship so it doubled as a little homage to him in my head. The isopods are ember bee isopods.
My isopod vivarium is filled with oreo crumbles. I think they’re kinda boring for a tattoo and too small anyway. Ember bees have very striking colors and since I’d be getting it on my wrist, I wanted to consider something that would be pretty.
Apparently this makes me an ahole because it’s his isopods and I am being vain for wanting a pretty bug as a tattoo if it’s his. And I’m sure there will still be people who think I’m just justifying myself here and digging myself deeper into AH land but after having the discussion with my husband last night I think maybe it’s a bit more nuanced than the down votes want it to be.
