“AITA for kicking out my now ex and his mom and ‘leaving them stranded’ before the snowstorm?”
So, I (28F), am being slandered across my socials and I need to just confirm if I am in the wrong.
Context: My ex, J, and I had been together for six years before this whole situation.
When I was 25, I inherited my mom’s bungalow. My older sister (39) got the main house and my older brother (32) got two properties that my mom rented. It was decided this was the fairest since my brother got into real estate and my sister was pregnant at the time.
J, who was an amateur carpenter, and I renovated it and he basically let me decorate and organize how I want. Since I would be the one home more and “my systems only work for me”. To his credit, that was and still is true. I have SEVERE OCD.
Four months ago, right before Halloween, J’s mom got evicted. I offered her my spare room with the simple request to follow my house rules: no eating in the bedrooms, no shoes in the house, don’t touch or move anything without telling me, and keep the screens in the windows (the mosquitoes are awful where I live).
She obeyed most rules, but she couldn’t for the life of her leave my stuff alone. My OCD is so bad that I have been in therapy for over a decade for it. It isn’t as bad as it used to be, but I still get upset and uncomfortable when certain spaces are moved around.
In the four months she stayed with us, J’s mom had reorganized the kitchen, living room, and even the patio deck. She always said it wasn’t a big deal and the way she did them made more sense.
It would drive me mad when I would have to redo my spaces because J refused to tell his mom to stop. This was a fight every few weeks. For the record, I am a nanny, and make more money than J did. I pay the bills and taxes on the house. And all I asked for was some respect.
My last straw was on Friday, when she went into MY bathroom and reorganized my cabinets. My hair products, medicines, and cleaning supplies were all displaced. She also had the window open without the screen because “she wanted to air out the room”.
I had enough and told J’s mom to leave, that I would put her into a motel for a week and she needed to find other housing plans. J protested and said that his mom was only trying to help, but I have literally pleaded with that woman to not move things around.
I followed through and paid for a motel for a week, and J said if she left, we were done. That his mom “didn’t deserve to be treated this way”. I told him to go, and it broke my heart. I gave this man six years and we’re done because I have a boundary.
I have explained my side to most people, and they still think I’m wrong because of the storm that was due to arrive. But it’s not like they were on the streets, they were in a motel, they were safe. So, AITA for kicking out my ex and his mom??
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
mzjaxsonlvs3
Not the AH. I don’t have OCD and reading this irked TF out of me. I can’t stand when people do that. You invited her into your home and told her the expectations PRIOR. She had zero respect for you or your personal space. And the bathroom…. that really feels intentional.
Ladyooh
It was absolutely intentional. Who the hell goes into someone’s private space and reorganize- ESPECIALLY when that was a condition to moving in? Did this woman somehow think that her son owned the property and she could get rid of OP? What has the boyfriend been telling his mom? This is NOT an age thing, it’s a rudeness and dominance thing. Mom definitely fafo’d. Update me.
Kyomuno1
NTA. You allowed her to stay with you, but she was a GUEST and had no business rearranging a damn thing, least of all your personal bathroom. You tried addressing the issue, she didn’t stop and her son didn’t stand up for you, so that’s on them. Actions have consequences.
Mistress_Sara
NTA. You had a boyfriend problem from the beginning. It’s your house, you have the right to decorate it how you want. If he was paying rent, then he can provide input. The fact that the first time the mother rearranged things and the boyfriend didn’t correct her, says he was never going to have your back, and she was never going leave.
You got lucky you didn’t marry him. The mother had months to look for a new place. You went above and beyond by covering her in a hotel for a week, storm or no storm.
BeautifulChaosEnergy
She played a stupid game and now she collects her stupid prize. As for your ex? He decided his mom’s need to rearrange stuff was more important that your medical disorder. As for those friends?
Tell them “I’ll let J and his mom know you’re offering up your place for them to stay free of charge”. And watch how fast they shut up lol. OCD or not, that would piss off anyone. He understands why you’re upset, he doesn’t care.
NTA. Your boyfriend’s mom was doing this all on purpose to undermine you. It’s something some disturbed people do when they require control. The mom felt powerless because she was evicted, and resented you for being the boss of the house. She wanted to be the boss.
I have OCD too, and I would’ve flipped my lid if a practical stranger rearranged my room. I think everyone in that situation would be upset. Your boyfriend is an AH without a backbone. Good riddance to both of them.
