Hi! So I, (21F) have a younger brother, (12M) who has severe autism.
Ever since he was diagnosed at the age of 2, my life has revolved around him and only him. My parents make every decision based on him and couldn’t care less about me and my opinions. An example of that- before I started high school we moved to another city so it would be easier for my brother to go to a private school. Meanwhile I was stuck an hour away from my home town as middle school came to an end and I had to leave all my friends since kindergarten to go to some crappy public high school.
Not the worst thing but an example about how everything revolves around him, I’m not trying to be mean either, he cannot get better no matter what, he is in speech therapy, physiotherapy, chiropractor, occupational therapy, ABA, BI, and every other thing imaginable to try to get him to be a bit better. However in the past 10ish years, it hasn’t made a noticeable difference because he is severely autistic and will always need help. He can talk here and there but he is still extremely violent. In public if he doesn’t get his way he starts screaming, crying, and lying on the floor until he gets it.
He pulls my hair, he hits me, he kicks me, he scratches me, he hits me when I’m driving he’s in the car, he broke my ipad by throwing it down the stairs, he threw a basketball into the window of my car, threw all my protein shakes down the drain, he ruined my ex bf’s phone by throwing it into the ocean, and these are just some examples I can think of at the moment. Overall, he is impossible to handle, and if I even mention a word about his behaviour to my parents, I get the same lecture about how it’s not his fault his brain doesn’t function properly. Moving on, I love him, he is my brother and I practically raised him, but I feel like I’m letting myself go and putting my life on hold for him.
When I got into university I got into my dream school (out of state), but my mom said I can’t go because then I won’t be home to take care of my brother when they wanna go out or when they’re at work. So instead I had to go to my local university- whatever it’s fine it isn’t that bad but it’s still annoying. Finances are not a problem either it’s just him, and I hate to sound selfish but it’s true. I’m applying to law schools soon because I want to purse law and I also can’t go anywhere out of state because once again, I won’t be able to take care of my brother if I’m gone- and the local law schools aren’t the greatest- especially when I know I can do better.
I wanted to go to Miami with my friends for spring break, but I can’t because then who else will take care of my brother because it’ll also be spring break for him and my parents will be at work! I hate how this is affecting me so much, I can never catch a break. Half the time I wanna hang out with my friends I can’t since I’m his designated babysitter. It’a so awful and no one else gets it. I hate when my friends meet my brother. He’s a menace. I know it isn’t really his fault but I just find myself feeling so embarrassed with his behaviour.
It also affects my relationships with any boyfriend. Only 2 of my ex’s have met my brother and I wanna say that a huge reason for that is my brother and how he treats my boyfriend at the time. I find it so difficult now to find a man who is willingly okay with the fact that my brother is autistic and when my parents die I will have to take care of him regardless of if I want to or not. I can’t help myself but cry as I think about it. I don’t think I’ll ever find someone who would be okay with this. I feel like he is just ruining my life in a way. I know I can’t pursue going to my dream law school, my perfect boyfriend/husband, and my future overall, because he will be in it and ruin all the good stuff I’d have going.
I will never be able to travel in the future because no one will take care of him. I know it sounds so incredibly selfish and sad, but it’s true. Ever since my recent breakup all I’ve been thinking about is how damn impossible it will be for me to ever find a guy who would be okay with my brother being autistic and would be understanding about how I have to always have him as my priority- not just when my parents die, but also in the present. I hate sounding so sappy and sad, but it’s been on my mind. I don’t want to put my life on hold just for him. So AITAH for saying this? Or for not wanting the next whatever many years I’m alive t
