UPDATE: AITAH for refusing to watch my daughter when we meet my husbands friend?
Hi everyone who will see this update!
I will start this of by saying that I’m very grateful for all the responses my post got, I tried responding to people and read all the comments, but I honestly got overwhelmed with all the attention it got, but still incredibly happy that so many wanted to help/give their opinion!
So, for the update, I added this in the edit I made on the original post, but the short answer I got was that he was embarrassed. His friend had made a few comments about how different me and my husband take care of her and how much more my husband struggles with her.
I’m sorry if this update makes no sense, we talked about very much later yesterday and we both brought up so many points, so I will share those down here, again I’m sorry.
1, I brought up his lack of understanding for the work I put in to be a good mother, also brought up that he always criticize my parenting but never tries to parent himself. He argued that I had taken the lead in parenting, forcing him to be a background character. This stems from the fact that he wanted to gentle parent to what I saw as an extreme. He wanted us to forbid the usage of the word ”no”, other ways of telling her ”don’t” or discipline in any way. I refused this, I’m not strict or anything, but for gods sake, I need to be able to tell my child to stop doing stuff, especially when that can cause her harm. Still, he felt like I had pushed him out of the way, which I didn’t. He still parents her like that when they are alone, I just refuse to parent her that way.
2, He himself brought up that the way he has behaved during these last weeks was not appropriate and he told me he was very sorry for that. He told me he had thought it all over, but he also still felt like I played a big part in how he has felt and acted.
3, I brought up how whenever we go somewhere, our daughter becomes my sole responsibility and he just gives up on being a parent. To this point, I also brought up that before we had our daughter, he hated the idea of becoming the kind off dad he saw his family members be when he was little, but he had turned out to be just like that. He denied that and told me that he wasn’t like that, because when our daughter shows him things or talks to him, he interacts with her when we are out. I told him that is the bare minimum. He disagreed and wanted me to drop that.
4, He backtracked from what he told me yesterday morning. From going from that he felt embarrassed to that I had gone out of my way to try and embarrass him on purpose apparently. This is not true and I explained my reasons to him. He still felt like I had refused to come with him just to make him look like a bad father infront of his friend.
We talked so much more, but I feel like that was the most important stuff. So in conclusion, he still feels like I am wrong, he is right. I can’t say anything to change his mind, he refuses marriage counseling or to take action to any of my points… I don’t really know what to do from here, I feel disappointed and frustrated with the whole situation.
This will probably be the only update I make to this because I don’t think this situation will improve in any way unfortunately.
Thanks again to all of you, even if the situation didn’t improve I still feel a whole lot more confident in myself and where I stand.
