AITAH for feeling like it’s unfair my grandparents adopted me at their age if this is how it’s ending? I’m 18 and terrified.
helloi. I’m 18F and I was adopted by my grandparents (64F and 66M) when I was 4 years old. They are the only parents I have ever known.
My grandfather was sadly diagnosed with stage 4 non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma in 2019. He fought it for years and for a while things were stable Over the past six months though his health has been rapidly declining. His doctors recently said his body is too weak to continue chemo, so treatment was stopped.
3 months later he was deemed healthy again and the doctors wanted to put him back on chemo. However, he chose to begin end-of-life care. We were told he likely has about two months left. My grandmother has also had four heart attacks and her heart is extremely unstable.
She has told me multiple times that once my grandfather passes, she will too. I am devastated. I am scared. But I’m also angry, and I feel horrible admitting that. I’m in college. My car payment is $600 a month, my insurance is $170, tuition is $800, and my phone bill is $50. If they both pass, I lose my home. I will genuinely have nowhere to go.
When I try to talk to them about my fears, about finances, about housing, about what the plan is, hey dismiss me.
They say “you’ll figure it out” or “don’t think about that right now” or “everything will work out.” If I push, my grandma says I’m being dramatic or negative. My grandpa just reassures me but there is no actual plan.
There are no assets set aside. There isn’t money saved for me. There’s no life insurance that I know of. No real will with something substantial in it.
No property that’s paid off. Nothing that makes me feel secure. It feels like they adopted me at an older age without taking measures to protect me if something like this happened. I know they stepped up when they didn’t have to. I know they gave me stability when I was little. I know my grandfather is sick and chemo might just make him suffer.
But I’m 18 and losing everything. I feel guilty for even thinking this way.. But I also feel like if you adopt a child later in life, there should at least be serious financial planning and preparation for the worst-case scenario. Instead I feel scared. Am I awful for feeling like they should fight harder? Or at least take my fears seriously instead of minimizing them?
UPDATE!!!!!! I want to clarify something because some comments are assuming I’m ungrateful. I’m not. I’m not mad that they adopted me. I love them more than anything. I am completely devastated that my grandfather is dying and that my grandmother’s health is so fragile.
I think the reason this post sounds focused on logistics is because I’m not letting myself fully sit in the grief yet. This is the worst I have ever felt in my life and i dont want to feel the heartache until i have to. My life is about to be flipped upside down, so I want to plan ahead before i am not able to function.
another thing to clarify, They had put about 20k away for me at one point, but over time theyu gambled it away. I had around 4k in savings myself, but that’s been used to help cover bills when things were tight.I’m not blaming them for being sick. I’m just terrified of losing both of my parents at 18 and having no stability afterward. When I try to talk about it and they dismiss my worries, it makes me feel even more alone. I’m grieving, I’m scared, and I don’t know how to handle all of this at once.
I also have not said all of this to them. I have only asked for guidance on what to do when the time comes.
