“AITA for giving my boyfriend food to take to work?”
I, 26f, was married for four years. We got divorced because I found out I couldn’t have children. I was content to stay child free, it wasn’t a huge loss. My ex husband really wants a ‘mini me’ and to ‘pass on his legacy’.
We had a good marriage for the most part, but that was that. I’m not too sad, as I’ve come to learn there’s better out there. My boyfriend is honestly the kindest person I’ve ever met.
I should note, we live in a small town and I have a type. My boyfriend of seven months works with my ex husband. They work as military contractors on airfields, doing different jobs. But they work in the same area with the same guys.
I really like to cook and bake. I’m trying to not get diabetes though so I don’t eat everything I bake. I used to pack my ex husband’s lunch and would often send him to work with a tray of baked goods. I’ve taken extensive culinary classes around baking and I’ve been told the stuff I make is really good.
Funny enough when my boyfriend and I met he said he always loved the stuff I made for their shop when I was married to my ex husband. I now pack my boyfriend’s lunch and send him stuff to take to work.
Apparently a bunch of the guys they work with have been giving my ex husband lip. Dating had apparently been going very poorly for him (I’m not shocked) apparently this has been just making him not look forward to going to work.
My boyfriend is significantly more attractive than my ex husband and they’re making jokes about how I upgraded from one mechanic to another. My boyfriend doesn’t mind because the jokes paint him in a good light, and they tell him he’s lucky, etc.
He sent me a long message asking me to stop sending stuff to work with my boyfriend so the guys will leave him alone. He also asked me not to come to their annual 4th of July thing.
I kind of feel like he’s making his problems my problem. I don’t feel like it’s a fair a request. But I’m not completely not empathetic, so I’m willing to stop if most people think I should. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
W0nderingMe
Info: was there ANY overlap (even during separation) between ex and BF?
AdJust1019 OP:
During our legal separation period yes. Ex husband and I agreed to divorce a year and a half ago ish. I was living alone and legally separated for around ten months before I met my boyfriend. The divorce was finalized two months into our relationship. In my state you have to be legally separated for a year in order for a divorce to be finalized.
RealBrownJesus
What do you mean you have a type? Military contractors?
AdJust1019 OP:
I like tall guys with no facial hair, and a short haircut who look like they could be in the military, but aren’t. Most local guys have beards I feel like. I’ve got sensitive skin so facial hair is a no for me.
Equivalent_Reason894
I couldn’t agree more about the “no facial hair” thing—I say that in my profile on a dating site and men ignore it. It’s not like I’m flirting with guys who are looking for athletic blondes, because I can read. But finally found a clean-shaven guy…and, bonus, he’s French!
FunStorm6487
I want to know if ex told people exactly why he divorced her
AdJust1019 OP:
He didn’t but it came to light eventually because well, someone asked my boyfriend about it and he told the truth. It made some guys not like my ex husband anymore.
gringaellie
NTA you weren’t good enough for him (according to him) so he got rid of you. What’s it to him that you’re now moved on and happy? This sounds like a great schadenfreude opportunity. I had an ex who didn’t want me as I couldn’t have kids and “wasn’t a real woman”. I’m now married with 2 kids. Sometimes doctors are wrong.
AdJust1019 OP:
My boyfriend is child free and I’ve made my peace with not having kids. As long as we stay together I wouldn’t be willing to have a child.
Moist-Garage-1871
NTA, he has nothing to say or ask you. If your boyfriend loves bringing all that, tough luck. He has to accept it. And asking you not to come to a party is out of bounds. If he’s having trouble accepting that you’ve managed to rebuild your life and he hasn’t, he needs to rethink his approach. What does he think will happen if you don’t show up and everyone explains that HE asked you not to come?
Usual-Canary-7764
Dude needs to roll with the punches and crack a joke or two of his own. My uncles were mechanics. That bunch is ruthless esp if they see it is getting to you lol. He needs to deflate their jokes and jabs. Probably become friends even with bf. His way of going about it is just going to make his life hell with that lot. Lol…NTA OP.
ceediors
NTA but your ex-husband is. Imagine how your boyfriend would feel if you stopped sending him your baked goods just to cater to your ex. His problems are not yours.
opalbellex
NTA and honestly? This is karma at its finest. He wanted out because of kids, now he’s alone and salty while you’re living your best life. Delicious.
Sea_Jelly4166
NTA. The fact is, you didn’t actually do anything wrong – it’s not your job to keep your boyfriend’s coworkers in line. Your boyfriend should tell them to chill if he wants a positive relationship with your ex at all (tho idk why he would care). Tell your ex, gently, to deal with it himself by talking to management or the other guys.
AtomicBlastCandy
NTA. Tell him no. He has no right to tell you anything especially as you aren’t married and have a bf. He should toughen his spine if the teasing gets to him.
Ok-Cucumber-6976
You wrote that your husband was not bad and overall the marriage was good. But you’re strangely comparing an ex-husband and a real boyfriend. After that, the ex-husband is worse. An obvious vindictive text. Your ex is no worse, he’s different. It’s clear that your ex is stuck because you have a small town. And “more blanket covers” everyone. You and he are wrong. In this situation, you have more power.
JubeeD
NTA. He needs to talk to his coworkers about their comments and behavior if it’s bothering him. You know, like an adult. It’s not your problem.
Yorokut
NTA, I also read this as “his problem.” Just the way life goes. If he’s getting sass from his coworkers that’s his problem. He can ask them to stop but he is in such a high testosterone job and is going to be made fun of, if he’s uncomfortable or infuriated he can man up and ask them to stop.
So, what do you think of this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?
