AITAH for leaving my gf a week before the wedding?
The beginning of this story goes back 10+ years where I, a 30M, met my now ex, a 30F girlfriend. Disclaimer, I’m going to leave the irrelevant times and stuff out so you might feel there are gaps in the story, but it’s really irrelevant. I’ll try to put it in. Another disclaimer, I’m quite literate; I use commas and stuff a lot; it’s not AI-generated.
We, both 16 at the time, met at a party, started talking, and hit it off immediately. She was about to start university in September next year, which was quite far from where she lived. Note, we’re both Arabs and have traditional families. I don’t want to dive this deep into the past as it still left a scar on me.
Fast forward a couple of months in, we became a couple; one day, we were video calling, and she told me she cheated on me with a guy in her dorm. Obviously, I was devastated, but being the fool that I am, I forgave her. Yes, I know it’s a bad thing, but I was 17 and in love. After a few days, the same thing happened, and she was balling her eyes out, and again I forgave her. Please don’t come at me for forgiving; I was a nice guy when I was young.
Then one day, her dad came to pick her up, found a used condom in her room, and took her away from uni, and she was grounded for life. Which meant I had no way of contacting her, but I kept having some hope.
But as time went on and we didn’t talk, I started to grow resentment and anger towards her. Then after a few months, she contacted me, and she asked for forgiveness. This time I said to myself, I won’t forgive her, but for her sake, I said I did, but I was planning something else.
In the time we didn’t speak, I had a lot of time to think about how she behaved, how she talked, and not to mention she used to tell me in detail what she had done with guys and how. Like now I see how bad it really was, but at the time I didn’t see it, and also I don’t understand what she would gain from telling me that. But I do remember her saying one time, “Yeah, I messed up, but it feels fine to come to someone who I can talk to without getting upset; it feels like home here.”
My trust was already broken, but I kept on being in a relationship for the next eight or nine years. We didn’t do any couple stuff as she was only allowed to go work and back; her father used to bring her, etc. It was just phone calls, and as I used to be a streamer, we had fun watching me play games, and that’s how the majority of being bored disappeared.
She was still cautious about me not trusting her, so I had to play the long game where she’d drop her guard. So when it came time to let our families know, I knew it was game time. Her parents knowing she’s “not pure” and thinking I don’t know and will accept a girl like that was the prime opportunity to get my revenge.
I need to put another disclaimer: I lied to her that my parents accepted her to be my wife. I let my brother talk to her father pretending to be my dad, and my female best friend at the time pretended to be my mum.
I’m mentioning my brother and female best friend, as they were there for me when I was broken, and I told them everything. Now I’m not a saint, but I was always the forgiving person, always the person to see the good in the bad and never think negatively about anyone.
In the two years leading up to the end, I started to behave weirdly. I started ghosting her. Make her anxious since her parents wanted to see me come to the house and have dinners together, etc. So one time I disappeared for three months, like I blocked her on everything and just went to travel.
When I came back and unblocked her, she was furious with me and didn’t want me anymore. So I came up with a lie that I was in an accident and had no way of contacting her. This softened her up and I was in the good books again. She kept pushing for more details, but I said I didn’t remember anything about that, which made her ease off.
The on-and-off ghosting made her feel desperate. She started texting and calling me more. Wanted to know my location and who I was with. Now, I’m not going to toot my own horn, but I did have a glow-up and started to get a bit more female attention, and she knew about this as I started to share my experiences with her, just like how she did years ago.
It was very subtle as I was just sharing the attention I got and me shutting everything down.
I knew she was getting insecure, but it was exactly what I wanted. And knowing her own past, she felt that I could leave her at any time, but me staying with her for the best of eight or nine years really made her desperate for me.
In the meantime, wedding talks were happening, and again my brother and best friend were doing all the talks.
It helped a lot that her parents were convinced “my parents” live somewhere far and can’t meet up that quickly. I felt like her parents were suspicious, but me showing up for dinners, helping around in the family, and spending time with them was a crucial part that helped in my favour.
So when it was a week before the wedding, I had decided to drop the ball, as I felt really exhausted playing the long game. I decided to text her and I said, “You never deserve any of my love, you lost my love when you cheated on me.” And I blocked her. Her dad started to call me after a couple of days.
I picked up and he started to shout at me. Asking me things like what I had done to her and naming me a sort of things, etc. etc. I started laughing and just asked him how angry he felt when he found a condom in his daughter’s room? He started to apologise and sounded defeated on the phone.
For the next year, nothing happened. I realised how hurt I was and needed healing. I did a lot of therapy and went on hikes to clear my mind. I texted her on her birthday. She texted me back saying she didn’t need my birthday wishes and asked me why I texted her after the big disaster of sending wedding cards and then having to cancel a week before.
I said, it was the result of you cheating on me years ago. She started to swear at me for wasting her time and ruining her confidence and having lost face in the family. I put her on blast for what she had done to me and how she ruined my trust as I was deeply in love with her. This made her shut up and she started to apologise.
I didn’t need her sympathy and said that I’ll block her. She started pleading wanting to have another chance as she can’t seem to get rid of me in her thoughts. She wished I contacted her so could carry on from where we left off. I called her stupid for thinking I’d ever give her another chance.
Then I said, I’ll give you another chance if you can restore your virginity. She asked me what I wanted. I said I know the last line was a low blow, but I had to ruin another day for you. You had your dream wedding date which I ruined and the only other day was your birthday and I blocked her.
Since then I moved on and married my female best friend as we grew much closer and she was the one to push for therapy as she also came out of a divorce. Yes, there is irony in that.
Before you call me psychotic, mental, etc., I’ve reflected on myself in therapy. There were patterns, and I have come to terms with myself.
I’m not a victim in this whatsoever. I don’t feel any guilt or remorse. My wife said to share my story on Reddit and wants to know what Reddit thinks. So, Reddit AITA?
TL:DR: My girlfriend cheated on me, and I took revenge 10 years later by disappearing a week before the wedding
