“AITA for telling my sister to get over being cheated on by her husband after she laughed at me and told me to get over my breakup?”

“AITA for telling my sister to get over being cheated on by her husband after she laughed at me and told me to get over my breakup?”

I’m a 25 year old with a 28 year old sister and 20 year old brother. I’m fairly close to both of them but my sister and I grew up fighting a lot because she has a superiority complex and is quite entitled. She’s not super “in your face” about it but after enough times, you’ll start to notice it. My sister’s also married with a 3 year old girl for context.

Anyway, I had a boyfriend and we’ve been dating since we were 19. Just a few weeks ago, he decided that he wasn’t in love with me anymore and wanted to leave. I felt super terrible about it for a while and would cry over it sometimes. It didn’t help that it happened around my mom’s 60th birthday so emotions hit me in the middle of us celebrating.

My sister “discreetly” rolled her eyes and giggled when that happened. Also told me to stop killing the mood with my stupid crying and to get over it because he was just some boy. I walked away and I let her be that way because all I was trying to focus on was calming myself down. Her words didn’t help though.

We had a big family reunion/birthday celebration for my brother last weekend. I was having tons of fun drinking and catching up with a few of my cousins who came all the way from Europe.

It was chill until my sister stormed past us holding her daughter and looking RED AS HELL in the face with angry tears. That’s when the night turned to utter garbage. Yelling, crying, and just…straight up craziness.

My sister found out her husband was sleeping with a random coworker and then everything just spiraled. This went on for so long which gave me a damn headache and in the middle of my sister screaming at him once again, I turned to her and yelled “maybe you should get over it and stop killing the mood with your stupid crying!”

She then called me a bunch of names I CANNOT say here but then later on after she made her (not so) little exit, I got all the flack. My mom and dad got on my ass for worsening the fight and for not letting go of the past. The night was absolutely ruined.

I woke up the next day to a loooooong text from my sister saying how much I embarrassed her and made her feel worse because now her child won’t get to see her father as often plus a whole bunch of other BS.

I left it on read and started to think I actually did go a bit overboard and my parents and brother were practically begging us to make peace. I texted a long apology to my sister later into the day but she just read it and still hasn’t responded. We still haven’t spoken. AITA or was it fair to be a bit witchy?

Edit: I wasn’t super clear in that paragraph. My sister didn’t PRIVATELY say what she said to me. I felt off halfway into celebrating and when everyone else asked if I was ok, she started acting the way she did. I then walked away.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

johnthes

I am blaming your parents, they should teach their kids how to behave and not be selfish ah any chance they get. That goes for you and your sister.

Particular_Pay3831

ESH…. Yes breakups hurt, but my lady thank god that you were not legally hitched to him with no kids otherwise it would have been a sh#tshow of extreme proportions! Now imagine the plight of your sister, she has a kid in all this mess! I recommend just clearing the air and supporting your sister.

LEFtoverbutterbeer

Yes the AH. To be fair, she was an AH first, and I get it. Heartbreak in any form is the absolute worst, but did you say that to her because you meant it or because you were retaliating for what she said to you earlier? Not to discredit how you felt during your breakup, but I would MUCH rather be broken up with than cheated on.

And they were married with kids? That’s destroying a whole family. Again, not discrediting how bad your breakup was, but what you did (and it sounds like she had JUST found out) was a total AH move. IMO.

The next day, the OP returned with an update.

I appreciate all the feedback I got on my original post. For the most part, it seems most people think I’m the AH regardless of my sister being awful which is fair honestly.

We ended up having a conversation which…I don’t even know how to navigate this because it felt like pulling teeth trying to get her to say sorry and understand that she hurt me in the beginning (she never apologized to me before the whole thing at the gathering).

I called my sister on the phone today. I didn’t assume she would pick up the phone but I was super grateful she did. I asked her how she was doing and she was understandably still very upset. Like, she genuinely sounded sad. I apologized for the situation and told her she didn’t deserve to be cheated on.

A whole lot was said basically and shockingly, she let me ramble on and on. I said sorry for humiliating her and explained why I did that. I told her I wanted us to just have a normal relationship for once without all of the fighting.

My sister didn’t apologize but she just said that she didn’t respond to my messages because she felt humiliated and hurt, not because she was ANGRY at me. She started crying a bit and told me that I’ll never understand her position and I wouldn’t have liked it if it were the other way around.

I told her I understood that but in the moment, I remembered the hurtful things she said and how she wasn’t there to support me but to mock me. Regardless, that still gave me no right to be an ass and I said that more than once. I also told her I never got an apology for the things she said.

All she said was “yea well are you sure you don’t just hate me or something?” I told her I didn’t hate her but she could be awful quite often. In fact, I thought she hated ME. This conversation didn’t really go anywhere overall.

She eventually ended up apologizing and then she got snarky with me again when I asked her if she truly meant it because from the way she said it, it was more like “I’m saying sorry because you won’t shut up about me NOT saying sorry” rather than an “I’m saying sorry because what I said was wrong and totally inappropriate”.

I wasn’t surprised but at the same time, I thought we both would’ve had enough time to clear our heads a bit and be able to have a good conversation. I got frustrated and told her something along the lines of “I get our relationships weren’t on the same level and I came out more of an AH but I think you only care about how you feel right now”.

She told me she felt like the conversation wasn’t going anywhere and preferred we stopped talking for a bit. I accepted that, wished her and my niece well, aaaand that was it. Not gonna force it.

One of my cousins texted me like an hour later to check on me and tell me she deserved it so not to worry (they don’t get along and didn’t interact at all at the reunion). I just wanted to be done with it all. It is what it is honestly and it was probably bound to happen but damn, I had some hope. Oh well.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Briscogun

ESH to be honest. By your own admission, you are just as snarky with her as she is with you. That apology conversation was painful to read, neither of you seem emotionally mature enough to handle this relationship. You both just made it about yourselves.

Empty_Candidate000

Your parents failed at raising you both. Both extremely immature and lacking any emotional intelligence. But I will say although your break up sucks, being cheated on while married and a kid is a hell of a lot worse.

phillip9698

The thing everyone needs to remember, when you hit someone with a low blow you don’t get to dictate how low they go in return. Lesson learned on both sides here.

mshayes17

The conversation reeked of emotional strangulation. No one accepted anything because it wasn’t what they wanted to hear. You don’t get along, & that goes far beyond this conversation historically. Being civil is the best you can do, because no one is willing to change or let go of their hurt. And both of you would have to be willing to do so in order for it to work.

Strict-Ad597

Jesus Christ you cannot read a room. What you went through, being broken up with, is not the same or even in the same league as being cheated on. Of course your sister isn’t going to care about your feelings in this moment when her marriage, life, and child’s life are all being destroyed right now.

You were more in the wrong than she ever was and even more so now. She is going through a likely divorce and everything that it entails. Your apology isn’t coming because it’s not deserved after your actions. Had you kept your mouth shut and acted with kindness in that situation, you would have a leg to stand on.

Two days later, the OP returned with another update.

There’s a good chance this might just end up being the last update but knowing my family, it very well might not be. Things have gotten WILD since yesterday when I posted my first update.

I’m not even sure what happened since but all of a sudden, I’m scrolling through social media and my cousin’s at my sister’s throat. I’m talking paragraphs crap talking my sister on her story calling her degrading names, a trashy mother, and that she’s glad her husband cheated. Even going as far as asking to fight.

In Update 1, I mentioned that my sister and cousin don’t get along and never interacted at the reunion. Some stupid dispute they had years ago and it’s affected their relationship heavily. Not only that but I’m now blocked by my sister.

Anyway, I replied asking what in sweet Jesus’ name happened and where that was all coming from and I’m still not even 100% sure what happened but I think someone in the family instigated it by telling my cousin what my sister was saying about her (I’m assuming I wasn’t the only person she told about my sister deserving my response).

ADVERTISING

When I talked to my brother on the phone and I told him she blocked me, he told me “yea because she felt like you didn’t actually care” (which is very rich coming from her, I said). Anyway, I found a lot.

To sum it all up basically, I found out that 1) my sister was perfectly fine with no longer speaking to me and my relationship with my niece is on the line because apparently I’m a “bitter fake b….” 2) half the family is arguing now and has opinions 3) my parents are begging my sister to make peace with me 4) my sister insulted my cousin or something and my cousin went off 5) I regret even apologizing.

My aunt is calling my mom and asking her to “get her child” and now my mom’s trying to defend my sister and my aunt’s defending my cousin….so now it’s a stupid battle between the sisters and cousins.

My sister is also threatening to get the police on them (also according to my brother). I’m now being asked by my parents to cut off my cousin and aunt because they’re foul mouthed and other insults I’m not saying here.

A good amount of this is happening on social media and through messages. My cousin from Europe was texting me and asking if I was involved in the craziness as well but truthfully, I’m just the one hearing from people.

I can’t tell if I started this to begin with or if it was gonna happen anyway but I told my brother, cousin, and parents that I’m staying the hell out of this because everyone’s crazy. I’m genuinely shocked the reunion even went as well as it did before it got catastrophic. I’m probably just gonna sit back and let this thing unfold. It’s too much.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

ChrisInBliss

Sounds like its turned into something you should just sit back eat popcorn and watch them fight it out.

Former-Western1441 (OP)

Duuude lol not like I can do anything anyway.

Crafty_Special_7052

I would just stay out of it. You already did your part by reaching out to your sister and apologized and tried to talk things out but she never once apologized to you for what she previously said. Now all this drama is between your sister and cousin. Just stay out of it and don’t be dragged into that mess.

Geezell

Hope your niece is OK. Sounds like your sister wants to incinerate her whole life and not have any support network for when she chooses to stay or leave her cheating spouse.

Three days later, the OP returned with their final update.

This is the last update for a long while at least because I don’t have the energy to be invested in this foolishness AT ALL any longer after this. My dad called me the other day and started yelling at me, blaming me for not sticking up for my sister.

Dude, I couldn’t believe my ears. I told him that once again, none of this was my problem anymore and it’s between my cousin and her. He screamed at me and said my sister is super stressed out and wants to move far away because of all of this. I asked him to tell me what the hell happened.

To sum THIS chaos up, my cousin and aunt threatened to call child protective services on my sister because they thought my niece wasn’t safe with her and her antics so my sister had a meltdown and threatened them back.

My parents got concerned and went to check on her. She was crying on the phone to them earlier and saying she was going to move away with my niece and not go to any more family events because everyone “clearly wishes she was dead” and she wants nothing getting in between her and her child.

I honestly didn’t even know what to say other than ask if my niece was ok. I don’t care about my sister to be honest. I don’t know what the hell to do anyway. I’m still blocked by my sister.

I just told my dad that my sister did this to herself and to stop asking me to a) defend my sister because she would never do that for me and b) not to speak to me until they realize that.

Then, I hung up and texted my brother to make sure he keeps me updated on my niece if he finds out anything else because I don’t want to speak to our parents right now. I felt like that was the best I could do right now. I care more about my niece than my sister.

I feel terrible for them both but if I’m being honest, my sister doesn’t know how to shut up or just be a compassionate human being. I’ve put up with her acting like this for basically my whole damn life and it’s kinda telling that I’m not the only person in the family she constantly argues with.

She falls out with someone and instead of ignoring them, she goes out of her way to be petty. I might not be perfect but she’s definitely not a good person. Either way, this is way too much for my mental health right now. I’m staying out of it and as long as my niece is ok, I don’t care about anything else.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

LindonLilBlueBalls

I’d be blocking your parents if I were in your shoes. I’m too old and tired to allow people to talk to me this way, especially when they want ME to do something for them.

ADVERTISING

CummingInTheNile

Stories like these make my family look sane.

Pelageia

Sometimes I am happy coming from a Finnish family where we just do not speak about emotions but bottle everything up and cry alone in a sauna.

Starry_Gecko

I feel so sorry for OP’s niece. I hope she doesn’t remember too much of this.

russtyy_shackleford

Wow I wish I knew these people, I love watching a public crash out on social media.

Desperate-Angle7720

ADVERTISING

Something tells me OP isn’t the most reliable narrator. Which doesn’t mean the sister is right, she clearly has her own issues. But OP has plenty of them, too.

rayray2k19

The whole family sucks. I do feel bad for the sister and the niece. Calling CPS seems petty unless there are genuine safety concerns. It always worries me when parents talk about moving far away and how people wish she was dead. I hope she can get some mental health help for her kid’s sake.

So, what do you think of this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?