“WIBTA for wearing a dress to a wedding that the bride asked me not to?”
I recently purchased a dress for a wedding that is going to be in a few months. While I am not in the bridal party, I am very close to most of the members and the bride. We are all in the same group chat for social, non-wedding reasons.
I bought a dress that I thought was gorgeous and affordable for me and because all the other bridal members where showing off their dresses in the group chat (they all have different dresses in the same color) I sent mine in too. Everyone agreed that my dress was nice! Also, I was not the only non-bridal party member to do this.
Anyway a few nights ago the maid of honor reached out to me and told me that the bride had confided in her that she loved my dressed but felt it was ‘show stealing’ and that I would get more attention then her. Then the MOH asked me not to wear it out of respect for the bride. This led me to be deeply confused because:
- I am not particularly attractive. If I am being generous with myself, I am a 6.5 on a really good day… and certainly not the prettiest in our friend group.
- My dress is also really just not that special.
I am not sure what this is rooted in. My only suspicion is that it is because I am quite thin and she is not. (I do feel like an as$^%le for saying that, regardless).
Beyond anything:
- This does not seem like something my bride friend would normally care about–although I know people get weird around weddings.
Anyway…I am a broke grad student and I don’t want to buy another dress and I just want to wear the one I have. Also, I just feel like if the bride didn’t ask me directly then there is a good chance that its not that big of a deal and maybe the MOH is looking into way too much. WIBTA if I just wore it anyway?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
MindyourManners500
Not Enough Info. Have you asked the bride yourself what her opinion on this dress is? You’re getting this information second hand from other people…
LooseGuest1234 OP:
I have not contacted the bride because it just felt awkward and i didn’t want her to know that the MOH was out there telling her secrets. I thought it might stir up drama more than I wanted it to. But I am also not so sure if the bride meant it the way the MOH made it seem.
MindyourManners500
Well maybe you should just bite the bullet on awkwardness and ask her directly so you can put this to rest. I rather get my information straight from the source.
too-cute-by-half
More info: can you return the dress for a full refund? How well do you know the MOH and do you know her to be the type to cause trouble for no reason? Is it possible the bride has body dysmorphia and her MOH is trying really hard to protect her from triggers on her special day?
It may not be a reasonable request, but I would err on the side of caution and try to respect the MOH’s request. Even if the MOH is being a busybody, it won’t be much fun if she turns the bridal party against you.
LooseGuest1234 OP:
Unfortunately, no. It is an “event” dress so there is a no return policy (which isn’t uncommon). I have no idea about the other part about the bride.
I could possibly borrow a dress from my sister, but she is almost a foot shorter than me (i’m 5’11 and she’s 5′ even). So I am not sure how it would work. All my other friends have very different proportions than me.
wobblebase
NAH yet. But don’t wear it. You may have inadvertently bought a cut very close to the bride’s wedding gown.
So you have a friend the same size you can borrow a gown from? Or start checking second-hand shops or rental site? If you really can’t find an alternative, put a cardigan or pashmina over it the whole time.
LooseGuest1234 OP:
Hmmm that is an angle I have not considered! Thank you!
Agirlnamedsue2
Really good advice, especially with the way the MOH worded it. The said “show stealing” which could absolutely mean this.
[deleted] said:
YWBTA
The MOH handles situations like this in order to minimize stress for the bride. Even though the bride didn’t tell you directly, her voice is coming through the person she’s chosen as her right-hand woman.
It doesn’t really make sense that the MOH would make this up without the bride saying something. If you really want, you can reach out to the bride directly and ask, but if I were in your shoes I’d just borrow or thrift a dress or wear something else I already owned.
Cr4ckshooter
Didn’t op say she is not in the bridal party? Since when are guests attires up for approval? Ops dress is not inappropriate, full stop. If she can’t afford another, she would have to bail or just wear it. Pick your poison I guess?
cman_yall
“Ops dress is not inappropriate, full stop.”
The linked picture has a lot of leg on display. But then OP says it’s more modest than the picture, so… ??
LooseGuest1234 OP:
There is no slit in my dress and there is a straight across neckline. Mine is far more modest. But it is the same cut and the same material.
Joherk
So why the f^%k you are showing completely different dress?
LooseGuest1234 OP:
It’s the same color, material, and cut.
icamom said:
YWBTA. I would respond to the MOH, and say that you understand, that you don’t want to make the bride uncomfortable but really can’t afford another dress.
Could someone help you out? Maybe there is someone in the wedding party that can loan you one, or someone can find one for you.
[deleted] said:
YTA if you wear it without checking with the bride. You have your answer. It’s her party. I think you have 3 options: wear something else, check with the bride, or skip the wedding.
shan said:
Even though it probably seems unfair YTA if you do something knowing the bride would be unhappy. The wedding is about the couple and not you.
As others have said it’d be fine to approach the bride directly to make sure it’s actually coming from her and the maid of honour isn’t just weirdly inserting her own opinions where it’s not wanted.
imreallysuchalady said:
ESH. It’s not even a near-white colored dress or a hot pink/red AKA show stealing dress, so the bride/MOH is TA. But if you attend the wedding wearing the dress after the MOH addressed her concerns, YTA.
This is an unfortunate situation, but best bet would be to wear another dress and avoid all the drama to come.
After reading the comments OP added this:
EDIT: I see I have been deemed an a*&^ole. I accept it. I will find a way to get another dress.
