AITAH for reporting my sister and taking in her kids when no one believed me?
I am a thirty two year female and I have a younger sister who is twenty eight years old. Growing up she was always the favorite. She could do no wrong. If we fought it was my fault. If she messed up she was just sensitive. I learned early that challenging my sister meant I would automatically be the guy.
My sister has two kids who’re eight and five years old. I do not have kids of my own.
Over the year I started noticing things that made me uncomfortable. Whenever my sisters kids came to my place they would eat like they had not seen food in days. Not just growing kid hungry. I am talking about asking if they could take bread home in their backpacks. My niece once whispered to me that sometimes they do not get dinner because my sister sleeps a lot. I did not want to jump to conclusions. It kept happening.
My sisters kids would show up in the clothes for multiple visits. My nephew told me they sometimes only eat cereal because it is easy. One time my niece said they had not eaten since Thursday night. It was Sunday afternoon.
I brought it up gently to my sister. She exploded. She accused me of trying to make her look bad because I supposedly cannot have what my sister has. For the record I have never said I even want kids. My sister immediately called our parents crying. Within an hour I was getting texts about how I needed to stop attacking my sister.
I tried talking to my parents. They told me my sister is overwhelmed and that I have always been hard on my sister. That comment honestly hurt me. It felt like we were kids again. I was being scolded for not protecting my sister, the golden child.
I could not ignore what I was seeing with my own eyes the situation with my sister and her kids.
After one weekend where my sisters kids stayed with me and ate constantly and my niece told me they had not eaten in days I documented everything. I made the call for a welfare check. I did not do it lightly. I was shaking the time thinking about my sister and her kids.
An investigation happened. My sisters kids were removed temporarily. Since I was the one who stepped forward and had space for them they were placed with me. Their dad my sisters ex, supported the concerns. Said he had tried raising issues before but got shut down.
Now my family is furious with me. My parents say I humiliated them and destroyed my sisters life. My sister is telling everyone I lied because I have always been jealous of my sister. Some relatives have stopped speaking to me
My sisters kids have been with me for a weeks now. They do not panic about food anymore. They do not try to hide snacks. They actually sleep through the night my sisters kids.
I am apparently the villain, the bad guy in this situation with my sister and her kids.
I feel like I broke some family rule by going against my sister, the favorite. But I honestly do not know what I was supposed to do. Just ignore the situation with my sister and her kids?
So I am asking. AITA, for reporting my sister and taking in her kids?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
You’re such a good woman with such a kind heart 🥺 Don’t let anyone make you doubt yourself. You and those babies deserve happiness, peace, and all the yummy food in the world 🤍
She really is a good person. The fact that she doesn’t even want kids but still opened her home immediately? I genuinely don’t understand how her family can’t see that the children’s wellbeing matters more than their pride.
Agreed. OP is NTA, but how are grandparents not caring that their grandchildren were not being fed?? Were they not involved? And Social Services do not take children from the home lightly. Why did their dad not call Child Protection if he had concerns? Why were they not placed with him?
Happy they are safe, but there’s lots unanswered if this is a true story.
Hopefully he didn’t know the extent. Given that he’s an ex, the kids might have heard things from mom making him less of a safe space to be open about hunger whereas sister is a free babysitter to give mom a break on her time. For the kids to have been so open but the grandparents to not know makes me think they were selective in who hears the full story. If not, grandparents should lose any right to information on these kids and OP needs to cut ties.
Not super surprised, sadly. I have seen first hand how some family members will go to great lengths to hide anything that can be perceived as “shameful” to the family instead of trying to or seeking help.
CPS does not remove children from a parent’s custody capriciously. Legally, they cannot. Even so-called “benign neglect” is insufficient grounds for removal. While I don’t know what the investigation found, rest assured that it was serious neglect to endangerment if it ended with the children being removed.
Please work with the CPS social worker to obtain healing therapies for those poor kids.
Also, you need to be aware that the stated goal of CPS is to reunite the family. Your sister will probably have to take parenting classes, have supervised visitation, and home inspections (possibly ongoing) before she can have custody reinstated. She will have to comply with all that because, while the goal is to reunite the family, it is also a goal to protect the kids.
I’m sorry that your parents value perceived reputation more than the health and safety of their grandchildren. With the attitude they have, cynic that I am, I wonder if they knew about the neglect and simply didn’t care about the damage done. Because their perceived reputation was apparently more important. SMH
Keep doing as you are. Good for you. Taking on two traumatized children is not for the faint-hearted. So you have a heart full of love along with strength to do the right thing even when it’s hard. 🌹
NTAH!
You didn’t say anything about what the investigation discovered. What did they find out about your sister and the living conditions of the children? There had to be something that was illegal or something that was endangering the lives of the children.
Otherwise, they wouldn’t have removed children from their mother. If it was just a matter of not having enough food, they would have helped her with programs that would help her get food.
They really try to avoid removing children unless it’s absolutely necessary. Reason being is that they are overworked, understaffed and overwhelmed with foster children. They are limited on places to place children.
I’m guessing that you offering them a place to live and they are familiar with you because you are family. It might have influenced their decision to remove the children.
My sister had all her children taken away by CPS. Luckily, they somehow got ahold of me and told me about them. So I ended up adopting her 3 children. Otherwise, they were all just about to be adopted by other families. They would have been separated.
FYI. Since they have placed the children with you. You are entitled to receive financial aid from them. You get money per child per month to help you pay for them.
They aren’t always helpful when it comes to helping you get the financial support. So advocate for them and yourself.
Also, if the children have any health problems or are have any type of handicap or disability, they pay you a higher rate of monthly assistance. Look into it!
If you need any advice or have any questions that I might be able to answer. Please feel free to DM me.
I’m happy to help
They really try to avoid removing children unless it’s absolutely necessary.
This cannot be emphasized enough. My Dad is a Guardian Ad Litem so I have some exposure to this world.
There’s a weird misconception that kids could be taken from good parents because of misinformation, and it’s just not true. You have to be a horrible, abusive parent to have your rights terminated.
