Am I wrong for refusing to go to my sister-in-law’s baby shower when the rest of the family is following my lead?
This all started shortly after my brother married his wife, Claire, about five years ago. At first, everyone liked her. My older sister and I were even in her bridal party. Not long after the wedding, they began trying for kids and struggled with pregnancy. Claire was understandably upset, but things got worse when my older sister (26 at the time) became pregnant. Claire became snappy and mean toward her. The family tried to be sensitive because of what she was going through, but when my sister’s baby was born, Claire didn’t acknowledge it at all.
During my senior year of college, I ended up pregnant unexpectedly. I only told my mom at first because I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I used to drink heavily at family events, so when I suddenly wasn’t drinking, my grandma joked that I must be pregnant, and my reaction gave it away. That’s how the news came out. I hadn’t planned to announce it that way. Claire completely lost it on me. She screamed that I didn’t deserve a child and called me awful names.
When my mom tried to intervene, Claire yelled at her too and even told her she deserved the stillbirth she’d had years ago. It was horrible. After I gave birth and posted pictures online, Claire made a vague post saying that some people don’t deserve kids. She has never apologized for any of it. Now Claire is pregnant and hosting a baby shower. All the women in the family were invited. I talked it over with my mom and decided not to go. My mom also declined, and now it seems like most of the family is following suit.
We all RSVP’d no. My brother called me asking me to come anyway. I told him no, and it turned into an argument. He said his wife has been crying, feeling hated by the family, and wants everyone to make up. I told him that’s not my responsibility and that this situation is the result of her own actions. He keeps texting, asking me to just let it go and attend. I know that if I don’t go, most of the others won’t either, especially since my mom still deeply resents Claire for what she said. For those asking: no, we likely won’t have a relationship with the baby unless something changes. I already don’t allow my child around Claire.
