“AITA for not inviting my best friend’s kids to our annual beach trip?”
My parents have a beach house in Florida, and for the past 5-6 years I’ve invited my best friends for a week every summer. It’s completely free for them except for splitting food for the house (we take turns going to the grocery).
Only one of my friends has kids, but I’ve invited his whole family every year in the past so his wife and kids don’t have to be left out. Well, each year they don’t clean up after themselves.
They don’t put their dishes away after they eat, they are the only ones that track sand in the house. They don’t help clean up their rooms or do laundry before they leave (they always have an excuse why they have to get on the road early in the morning).
When it’s their turn to go to the grocery they buy the cheapest garbage possible like store brand hot dogs and chips (keep in mind there are four of them and they are gladly eating everyone else’s food the rest of the week).
They let their kids run absolutely wild through the house, and cheetos and cheerios are friggin everywhere like in the cracks of the sofas and chairs, in the bed sheets. It’s a friggin mess. Last year the kids sprayed the hose on all of our cars and it left water spots that still haven’t come off.
The wife also kind of ruins the whole vibe because she makes us wait to go do things saying things like “oh I just put the kids down for a nap can you all wait 1-2 hours to go out so I can join?” I’ve slowly but surely gotten sick of it, but a year goes by and I forget how pissed I was each time I re-invite everyone.
But this year I texted my friend and told him “hey thinking it will be a husband/wife thing this year if you all need a break from the kids” (was kind of hoping his wife wouldn’t be able to make it either honestly). When he’s by himself he is wayyyy better in all ways.
All my other friends and their wives that get an invite help me clean up, they put their dishes away after they eat, they help strip the beds and do laundry before they leave. They also help clean up after this guy’s kids before they leave. They are all super appreciative and make me feel like I’d easily invite them again without hesitation.
The problem is that now this dude’s wife has been side-texting the other friends saying “I can’t afford a nanny for a week and my parents are sick and we don’t trust his parents. Guess we just aren’t going this year.”
Now half of my friends are still on my side saying “yeah this will be more fun for everyone,” while the other half is trying to convince me to let the kids come saying “oh man that’s just how they are… they don’t expect us to clean up when we go out on their boat or visit them. We’ll help clean up again.” I’m sticking to my guns for now… am I being an AH here?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
ChokeMePleasantly
NTA. Though I would have been upfront about why. They’re the parents. Their kids aren’t your responsibility. Their kids mess isn’t your responsibility. The parents should be teaching their kids to be good guests. Or I would have even lied a bit better and say your family wants it to be a child free vacation spot and that’s that.
NewhomeownerH13 (OP)
Thanks. Good idea on the “my family wants it to be child free vacation spot.” I unfortunately wasn’t smart enough at the time to say that.
barfytarfy
You could always say “look, I was trying to frame it as something positive, but my family was not happy to be finding crumbs in the house from Cheerios and Cheetos the kids left behind and worried it would cause bugs. We’ve been told to keep it kid free in the future.”
AgentClockworkOrange
NTA. There is nothing worse than a rude houseguest, and multiple rude houseguests? Absolutely not. If you don’t have the decency to clean up after yourselves, you don’t deserve to come to the party.
jasperjamboree
So they’re probably one of those families that will trash a hotel because “they’re on vacation,” or make a mess all over the table & floor at a restaurant and let their kids run amok because “that’s the staff’s job.”
NTA those kinds of parents are the worst kind of entitled. You don’t have to tolerate them just because “that’s the way they are.” You’re not their personal maid and concierge. If they don’t respect your time and property, then they don’t earn the privilege of using your resources.
Bitter-Paramedic-531
NTA and to all the friends who are angling for the kids to be invited, tell them they are more than welcome to stay home too, visit the others and go out on their boat.
NewhomeownerH13 (OP)
That’s honestly how I’m feeling right now. I now also kinda want those wives to also stay home (it’s not my guy friends causing the drama, it’s the wives)!
scienceoftophats
The only hint that you might be the AH is the complaint about water spots on the cars……
Reality is this is your parents house and it has rules. Sorry, no kids this year.
2cents0ducks
“I have been generous enough to supply a free vacation for half a decade, but I do not have the time, energy, or patience to also be treated as free maid service. They don’t respect the space that they have benefited from for free, they lose their privileges. If you have a problem with that, you are welcome to host the vacations, and cover all the costs and cleaning going forward.” NTA.
Later OP added this edit:
EDIT TO ADD: Responded with this: “We’ve all said things in passing with a joke like “oh sure I’ll clean up after your kids again.” Or more direct things like “hey Diana or Joe – can you help us clean up after dinner?” Or “can you help us cook??” Only then will they help, but even then it’s completely half a%^#d.
I think we’ve all just kind of assumed they would eventually catch on and know what to do better, but it’s like they are so overwhelmed with the kids they put blinders on and can’t see what’s right in front of them (or just don’t care not totally sure). Guess we’ve also been nice knowing they were new to parenthood but now the kids are 3 and 5 so plenty of time to get better.”
Re: the water spots – in Florida, we have hard water (tons of minerals in the water). When you spray a car and don’t towel it off, the hot Florida sun will literally bake in those mineral deposits into your clear coat.
I bought a Chemical Guys water spot remover chemical – didn’t work.
I bought a buffer machine and compound and polish – spent 3 hrs on my car and got maybe 60% of them gone.
I have a black car and now it looks like a Dalmatian and I can’t help but be pi&^ed about it. Basically like this image at the top of this
That said, I understand kids would not know this, but I was still down at the beach when it happened so I wasn’t there to stop it. Just another annoyance caused by the kids really
So, what do you think of this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?
