“AITA for ‘accidentally’ telling my parents about my sister’s pregnancy because I was tired of keeping the secret?”
I (24F) have a younger sister (21F). We’re not really close, but we’re not enemies either. We always had a competitive sibling dynamic. About two months ago, she told me she was pregnant. It wasn’t planned, and she was freaking out about how our parents would react. They’re pretty traditional and can be judgmental.
She made me promise not to tell anyone. Like full you cannot say a word until I’m ready serious. I agreed but I was hesitant about it. She still lives at home, and I visit my parents pretty often. My mom kept making comments to me about how my sister has been “moody” and “gaining weight” and asked if I knew what was going on. Every time, I had to pretend I didn’t. I started getting tired of keeping this up quickly.
I also felt weirdly left out of everything. She wouldn’t update me much, but expected me to cover for her constantly. I was lying to keep her cover but I had no idea what was going on and I felt used. Last weekend, my mom directly asked me if my sister was pregnant. I hesitated and finally gave in, “I think you should talk to her.”
Which obviously confirmed it. My mom confronted her immediately. It turned into a huge blow-up fight. My sister is furious and says I betrayed her and stole the chance for her to tell them on her own terms. I told her I didn’t outright say she was pregnant I just didn’t deny it. And honestly, I was tired of carrying the secret around my parents.
She says I made it about me because I was uncomfortable for a few weeks, while she’s been dealing with something life-changing. Now she won’t answer any of my texts. Part of me feels guilty because I did promise. But another part of me feels like I shouldn’t have been put in that position in the first place. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
buddyofbuddy wrote:
I was ready to vote the other way, but then you got to how you told your mom. And she knew. Clearly, it was becoming increasingly obvious. It had been two months.
The changes were apparently noticeable. If you had told your mom no, she probably would have known you were directly lying, and that wouldn’t do anyone any good. So I have to say NAH. I understand why your sister is mad, but it’s kind of on her.
Two months is too long to keep it going under those circumstances. But that doesn’t make her an AH, it just makes her someone who failed to figure out an effective plan in a reasonable amount of time before it would be obvious. Maybe the parents are AHs for being judgmental but I can’t confidently say that in this situation with the information we have.
OP responded:
This is how I feel I just don’t understand what her game plan was to do, I kept it for as long as I myself could, I’m human, and I’m just not a liar.
CandidManic wrote:
E S H. But mostly your mom tbh. She should have approached your sister, not you. Your sister is also an ah for putting you in that position. Lying to cover for someone that lives with who they’re hiding from sounds exhausting
NTA I still think that E S H by technicality, but I don’t see how you could have done differently. Maybe say “why are you asking me??” You did break your sister’s trust, which is why I originally voted the way I did. You’re not an AH for a reaction that gave something away, tho. That’s not how life works.
OP responded:
I agree, I don’t think it’s fair for me be in the middle of all this. I just want it out in the open so we can deal with it at this point because it’s gonna happen one way or another.
Artistic-Listen7975 wrote:
YTA, she felt like you were a safe enough person to tell, and you completely threw that down the drain for what? “Mom was suspicious?” A simple I don’t know would’ve been enough to keep your mouth shut, mom clueless and sisters feelings safe. But instead, you opted to out her, isolate her and break your word. Lousy sister activity.
OP responded:
I guess I can’t really say anything to this but it was going to come out one way or another eventually.
the_orig_princess wrote:
Lol at these people comparing normal pregnancy secret rules to your sister who clearly needs help not seeking help. Your mother knew. She was too chicken shit to confront her without you as the scapegoat. Your sister isn’t some independent adult asking you to keep a secret til the second tri—she’s barely more than a child, not supporting herself, and now waited too long to have any options. NTA.
babybug98 wrote:
YTA. I’m just a believer that if somebody asks you to be quiet about something and keep their secret, you do it (unless that secret is something awful or threatening to somebody else).
Your mom had her suspicions, but you should give people the right to speak for themselves on their own terms. You could’ve simply just said, “I don’t know.” You know what you were doing when you said, “I think you should talk to her,” lol.
EDIT: To everyone saying I should’ve let my sister know I could no longer keep this up & that I wanted to be involved in the situation, I DID. I very clearly told her my concerns that mom was getting suspicious and I could not keep this up for much longer as it was eating away at me to hide it. Her response?
It doesn’t matter and she doesn’t care how uncomfortable I feel it’s her decision and not fair to her. From my point of view, it was unfair to put me in this position in the first place. As for being involved, she appeased me with vague updates once a week through a couple words on text. No solid plans for moving forward. I was just tired and done with it.
