“Found out there is a chance my daughter isn’t mine biologically.”
I (m43) feel like my world is crashing. My wife (f41) and I have 2 kids m15 and f12. I love my kids and love being a dad. I have stuff in common with both my kids. But my daughter is like my little best friend we get along so well and have so much in common and our personalities just mesh well together.
Look-wise my son looks like both myself and my wife but favors me. While my daughter looks just like my wife seeing childhood pictures of my wife she and my daughter could be twins.
Now onto the story so last night my wife and I were grocery shopping. When all of a sudden my wife goes pale white and starts shaking a bit. I was freaked out after 20 or so minutes she calmed down but after she wouldn’t talk to me or even look at me. Finally, at the car, I asked what was going on.
She confessed that there was a chance our daughter wasn’t biologically mine. Right around the time she would have gotten pregnant with our daughter, she had gone on a trip for work.
Well, on her last night there she saw this guy she went to high school with and they were talking and drinking and one thing led to another they ended up having a drunk hookup. And just the timing of everything there is a chance the daughter I have been raising for 12 years isn’t mine biologically.
That guy she ended up seeing in the store and that’s why she acted the way she did. I am getting a paternity test ASAP and if I’m being honest I haven’t been able to look at my daughter since finding this out. My wife and I haven’t talked really since I just let her know I am getting a paternity test. And I am just in shock honestly.
Before we give you OP’s update, let’s take a look at some of the top comments:
vountain writes:
Regardless of the outcome, please don’t withdraw from your daughter. You are still her dad. You raised her, you bonded with her, you cultivated this beautiful father-daughter relationship which means so much to both of you.
Pulling away and going cold on your little girl when she loves you so much will be a kick to the gut. It will really hurt her, no matter what you’ll do. There is no “easy” or “gentle” way to withdraw affection from a child who depends on you.
All she’ll hear is “Daddy doesn’t love me anymore and he threw me away because we don’t share DNA,” and she’ll spend the rest of her life feeling worthless and betrayed because DNA doesn’t change her love for you, but you are letting it destroy your love for her.
Update us, so sorry, dont blame the daughter, the cheater is your wife. best of luck
Nice-Glass-9044 OP:
I know I can’t blame my daughter she has absolutely no control over the situation my wife cheated and didn’t tell and could have cheated multiple times or just lied to me considering she kept that secret for over 12 years
vashunnn writes:
I understand the DNA test I really do but the only thing that it’s going to change is that you’ll know proof positive that your wife cheated on you. That’s if it comes back to say that the little girl you raised and meshed so well is not a match to you.
Does that make that little girl any less your daughter, does that make you any less her father? Being a father is more than DNA it’s all the moments you and your daughter experienced together from birth to now and going forward.
Will that test erase all those memories from your and hers memory? Are you really going to step away from your daughters life if you’re not related by DNA?
Almost a month later OP posted this update:
Hi everyone I know it’s been a while since my first post life has been extremely hectic. For those who didn’t see the original post. I found out my wife had cheated and there was a chance my daughter wasn’t biologically my kid because of the time of her affair and when she got pregnant with my daughter overlapped.
We got a paternity test done on both kids ASAP. I explained to both kids not only why this needed to get done but also that this doesn’t change my relationship with them because I raised them and love them.
We got the results and let me tell you they were not what I had expected. My daughter who initially thought had the chance of not being mine was my biological kid. Instead, I found out my son wasn’t biologically my son. I questioned my soon-to-be ex-wife.
Turns out she had an affair with my brother for a short period… I was in shock, to say the least, she tried saying she only cheated once before she became pregnant with my daughter. Now I’m finding out that biologically my son is my nephew. Since then I made my ex-wife move out.
My son decided to stay with his mom and hasn’t talked to me which I understand is confusing for all of us and he’s a 15-year-old boy. But I have texted him off and on Just letting him know I love him and in my eyes he’ll always be my son because I raised him.
My daughter is staying with me still. We are both in therapy after this whole situation. I’ve been trying to contact my ex-wife to get our son in there but she hasn’t returned any of my calls or response to my text.
Here’s what people had to say after the update:
That is one s^%&$y brother.
And poor boy. He is suffering from what your soon to be ex wife did. He deserves better. all you can do is just let him know you still love him. He can’t be doing well. No doubt he is doubting everything.
Nice-Glass-9044 OP responded:
He hasn’t wanted to talk but I still want him to know I do love him and that’ll never change because I’ve raised him for the last 15 years
My brother and I have never been close. but now the little relationship I did have with him will never be the same… I see him as a completely different person now
Little_Yesterday_548
She probably thought he wouldn’t have tested both kids
Nice-Glass-9044 OP responded:
I had told her I wanted both kids paternity tested just to be safe… She did not indicate worrying about the paternity of my son
No_Click_4097
Likely hoped your brother’s DNA would be close enough to yours that the result would be within margin of error.
Mitrovarr
Which is really stupid if you know how these tests work. Not only would that not fool the test, it would also immediately point out that the parent of the child was a sibling of the person tested.
