AITAH for telling my sister her baby isn’t my responsibility?
I (27F) have a younger sister (22F) who had a baby last year..the dad left before she was even 6 months pregnant. It was ugly. he blocked her, denied it was his.. the whole thing
when she gave birth, i was there. i held her hand. i slept in that uncomfortable hospital chair.. i cried when my nephew was born. i love that little boy.. like actually love him
and maybe that’s the problem
at first, i stepped up because she was drowning. postpartum hit her hard. she’d call me at 2am crying because the baby wouldn’t stop screaming and she thought she was a horrible mom. i’d drive over half asleep just to hold him so she could shower or sleep for an hour
i brought groceries because she forgot to eat.. i stayed overnight sometimes because she said she hadn’t slept in 2 days
but somewhere along the way it stopped being “can you help?” and started being “i’m dropping him off.”
there was one night that still makes my chest tight thinking about it. i had just gotten home after a 10 hour shift.. i was exhausted. hadn’t eaten. my phone buzzed:
“on my way. he’s fussy.”
i hadn’t agreed to anything
she showed up, handed me the diaper bag, kissed him and left before i could even process it. i stood there holding a screaming baby in my work clothes while she drove off to god knows where
i ate cold takeout at midnight bouncing him on my shoulder and i remember thinking… i didn’t choose this
i’ve canceled plans. missed birthdays. used pto because daycare fell through.. my manager even pulled me aside once and asked if “things were stable at home”
financially? i’ve bought diapers. formula. paid a doctor copay once because she was short.. she always says she’ll pay me back. she doesn’t.
and every time i hesitate my mom goes, “she’s young. you’re her big sister. family shows up”
last week she asked if i could keep him from friday to sunday because she “needs a mental health weekend”
i said no.
there was this long silence and then she goes, “wow. so i guess i know who i can’t rely on”
that broke something in me.
i said, probably harsher than i meant to, “i love him. but i am not his second parent. you chose to have him. i didn’t”
she started crying. said i don’t understand how hard it is being a single mom. said i’m abandoning her
now my mom is barely talking to me. she told me one day i’ll need help too and i’ll remember this
and here’s the part that makes me feel like a terrible person:
when i imagine stepping back completely, i feel relief.but then i think about my nephew and i feel sick because he didn’t ask for any of this. he’s just a baby
i don’t want to punish him
i just don’t want my entire life slowly becoming something i never agreed to. at the same time i feel bad for my sister who is going through such tough times
AITAH for setting boundaries even if it hurts my nephew?
