“AITA for expecting my friend to ask me if her kids would be allowed at my wedding?”
I got married a month ago and am no longer talking to my husband’s best friend (Julie, 30F), neither is he. Both my husband and I find what she in very bad taste and are looking to see whether we are wrong here.
So, we planned for a kid free wedding. The only kids welcome to attend were my daughters from my previous marriage (10 and 14). Julie has 3 children (7, 10, 11). We also had a limited amount of seating available due to pricing and food catering. So I only had 50 seats, and therefore I told Julie she could not bring her kids but her and her husband were both invited.
Julie told me very early on that she doubts she could find a babysitter and made it clear she refused to hire someone they did not know but told me she would do what she could. About 2 weeks before the wedding she confirmed that her mom was watching the kids
But then 2 days before the wedding she messages me and says that her mom bailed on babysitting for one reason or another. I can’t remember what I said in response. But anyways, wedding day comes and only 28 people of the 50 show up.
I post on Facebook saying “I have 22 extra seats at my wedding! Message me if you would like to join us on our special day!” I figured Julie would be the first to reach out, but she never did. She “care” reacted to my post but that was it. She missed the wedding. My husband was very upset, because this was literally his best friend and he wanted her there.
So anyways, I reached out to her a few days later and told her that me and Wesley are very hurt that she did not come and that this was our big day and we needed her. She responded with “did you expect me to leave my kids in the car by themselves? At home? At a hotel?”
I said “no, I expected you to reach out to me and ask me if your kids could come after knowing that no one else showed up.” She says “omg, okay. So you have a kid free wedding and you expected me to look like a jack a$s by asking you to make an exception for my children to attend instead of just messaging me directly?”
My husband and I immediately blocked her after her hostile responses. He’s feeling pretty sh$tty and thinks we may have overreacted. I think we are in the right however.
Here’s what top commenters had to say about this one:
Still_Storm7432 said:
So your husband’s ex bf is a mind reader? YTA, when you have a child free wedding, you have to know that some friends and family with children won’t be able to attend. She respected the fact you wanted a child free wedding and didn’t try to push the kids off on you.
Glittering_knave
All that OP had to do was add “Kids now welcome!”. That’s it. Add that to the post, and people would know without having to ask the bride on her wedding day if children could come.
Ok_Camel_4726 OP:
I feel it would have shown her interest in attending and being there for her best friend. All she had to do was ask me and I would have said yes. She didn’t even bother asking. That doesn’t show true friendship, imo.
litt3lli0n 341
“All she had to do was ask me and I would have said yes.”
You’re expecting her to read your mind and then punishing her for not. She didn’t ask because YOU made the expectation that they couldn’t come. She was honoring YOUR wishes to have a child-free wedding, which is your right. You don’t seem like a very good friend for holding your own expectations against her.
Ok_Camel_4726 OP:
She’s my husband’s friend. But my friends personally would have reached out. I guess we have different morals.
Funkybutterfly2213 said:
YTA you should have reached out to her when you knew seats were available and didn’t mind having the kids there at that point. You can’t expect a guest who you have already told no kids can come to message you and ask if they now could. It’s tacky and I personally would not have have reached out. You or significant other should have messaged her, it’s not like she can read minds.
shammy_dammy said:
YTA. You TOLD her that she COULD NOT BRING her kids. And now that she RESPECTED that, you’re ‘very hurt’ she didn’t come. Then you dared to tell her you expected her to NOT respect that and to nag you for invites? You think you’re in the right? Well, that’s a no. Your friend has it completely correct.
ERVetSurgeon said:
YTA. You should have reached out if you wanted her there with her kids. You are mad because you paid for 50 guests and only 28 should up. That should tell you something right there.
completedett said:
YTA you should have clearly told her she could bring her kids.
