“AITA for wanting to disown my sister-in-law because she doesn’t want to give back my thrifted T-shirt?”
She and my brother have been together for a year and a half and it’s been great. I found someone I can love as a sister and have as a friend while considering her family. They seemed like the were going to be together forever so I called her sister. She called me sister too. She was there for me for sisterly advice and during events.
Everything was going well.
In my mind at least.
She broke up with my brother around August and my brother was basically traumatised by it. She told me he cheated after she wanted to go on a break so she broke up with him.
He told us in tears what he did. I find it repulsive and was by her side the whole time. She never told me the full story and I asked once and she said she was uncomfortable so I didn’t ask again.
I was her emotional support friend for weeks, months. I was there for her. Checking in on her and reminding her that she’s loved without the love of her former partner. I told her he wronged her and that’s it’s okay to be upset.
She would ask me to stalk his live and give her updates months after the breakup because she didn’t want him with someone else. I told her it’s a bit inappropriate and a red flag but relented here and there. Where I couldn’t supply her need she would message my little brother for updates.
I didn’t judge. I asked her what happened 5 months later to close a chapter that thought would be my life forever and she ghosted me. I wasn’t upset but she continued to ghost me everytime I tried to check in on her and make sure she was okay.
Prior to that, I had an appendectomy In November and she came over to help me prep me room. We ended browsing my wardrobe and she took a couple items she loved so she can borrow. Fine. Whatever. I don’t mind.
Last month my brother asked me how our friendship was and I told him I can’t help but feel like something is really off and my gut feeling was telling me to keep my distance from her.
He tells me that for 7 months of the 1year and a half they’d been together, she ghosted him for almost half that time. She would become emotionally absent and ghost him for days or weeks on end with no reason.
He’d chase after her and ask what’s going on and she’d barely respond. Maybe she had mental health issues. Maybe not. I don’t know. Prior to the break up she was on a ghosting period and then said she wanted a break to which he said he took it as a finality from how the last 7 months have been.
I’m not sure what to make of this But I feel insanely manipulated. All this time she withheld that information because she wanted me to see her as saint of the situation. Whatever. That’s crazy but whatever.
I live 2 hours away from her making a total of a 4 hour commute. I went to her 2 weeks ago for my stuff and she kept some for herself without telling me. I was upset and said whatever I’ll fetch it today.
I traveled for 2 hours waking up 6 to make sure I can collect and get home on time. She ghosted me again and later sent a message saying sorry she forgot about the items.
I’m absolutely seething with rage because that’s 4 hours for nothing and I just feel like she’s insanely selfish and I think it’s in my best interest to get my stuff because it’s mine and she has no right over it or my trust and she’s not allowed to abuse it whenever she sees fit. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Immediate_Mud_2858
She’s not your SiL, she’s your brother’s ex. Just block her and go NC. She’s not your friend. Consider the items gone.
Fabulous_Support_556 (OP)
She’s not. She really really isn’t and it’s sad because she became like family and for things to stoop to such a low level is shocking and depressing for me. But I want those items, they’re vintage💀💀
Technical-Neck7407
NTA. But dude, that wasn’t even your sister in law. It was just your brother’s girlfriend. Bad on you for not getting the full story on her ghosting behavior and allowing yourself to be manipulated so badly. Put an end to it now.
Just forget about ever seeing your things again. She is holding them hostage and making you jump through hoops. Probably punishing your brother by proxy. So just write off those things and block her everywhere. No final text or email or post. Just block her. End the game.
DirtyBoots_1990
NTA. If she doesn’t know you ‘switched sides’ then manipulate her into a meeting. Butter her up and say you put a care package together for her – to help her get through this. Be natural. If she meets you in person be prepared to force her to give your stuff back. Maybe try meeting at her place. And then refuse to leave without your stuff.
ChaoticCrashy
NTA but you’re not getting anything else back from her.
Adorable_Football130
I don’t think you’re AH based on what you’ve written. I don’t think you or your brother know what ghosting is necessarily but that’s fine. I do think you got too enmeshed in their issues and you’d be better off forgetting about her and the shirt.
There’s nothing to gain by having any more interaction with her. stuff isn’t worth it and you’re only increasing your contact with her. its not in your best interest to chase her down for some bits and bobs. go buy a new shirt.
MaximumTrick2573
A tshirt is not worth staying involved with this person. Cut your losses and maybe don’t loan out things you are not willing to part with should there be an issue like this.
Fabulous_Support_556 (OP)
No no, definitely not. I loan out things to people I trust and people I’ve known for a long time. She’s given things back before. This is…. Unfortunate.
PatrioticRedhead
It sounds like you are angrier over her general attitude and loss of friendship than you are about the clothing items. She’s not worth all of the rent free space she’s taking up in your brain.
Can you send her a text and ask her to please return the items via mail or to deliver them herself to a neutral place, like a local coffee shop that will hold things for you or a mutual friend? I suspect she is embarrassed by her own behavior and doesn’t want to face you. By having her mail it to you or letting her drop it off in a neutral place for you to pick up, she doesn’t have to see you.
It’s all immature but she clearly has some issues going on that aren’t your problem. NTA for wanting your things back, but I think it’s best and healthier for you to move on with your life once you’ve gotten them back.
Fabulous_Support_556 (OP)
She’s disrespecting the little friendship we had left and those items are testament to that. I trusted her and she used my trust. I trusted her into my space and she took what she wanted and refused to respect me in return. It’s the principle and those items feel more like taking back my trust than just my beloved items.
Even_Video7549
It’s material stuff don’t get upset, move on she doesn’t sound the most stable person to be wanting to have in your life.
