AITA for interrogating my girlfriend about her spending
so my gf(26F) and i (27M) have been together for 3 years. we usually split things 50/50 but lately she’s been saying she’s completely broke and can’t afford to do much. last week was our anniversary and i suggested a nice steakhouse we both love. she got really upset and said i was being insensitive to her financial situation and that she’s barely making rent.
the thing is, she makes almost as much as i do. i started getting paranoid that she was hiding debt or something, so i asked if we could sit down and actually look at where the money is going. she got super defensive and said i was financial abuse-ing her by trying to track her spending.
i ended up telling her that i wasn’t trying to control her, i was just worried. i basically forced the issue and told her we should just run her last few statements through AI (i used it for my own stuff last month) just to see if there were any big leaks we could fix together.
well… she finally let me. it wasn’t some secret life, it was just… laziness? she had over $140 a month in subscriptions she wasn’t using. like, she was still paying for a yoga studio membership in her old town, two different prestige makeup boxes she hasn’t opened in months, and a $20/month charge for some ai career coach thing she used once for a resume.
i told her she’s not actually broke, she’s just being reckless by not checking her account. now she’s mad at me for snooping into her finances and managing her and says i made her feel like a child. i feel like i was just trying to solve a problem that was ruining our relationship. AITA?
This is what top commenters had to say:
LeeLadyLove said:
I don’t care about the account. I’d be more worried about her taking your kid out at 4 A.M. and not telling you where she is taking the kid. That is a red flag to me. We always discuss our children and where we take them…
[deleted] said:
Honestly, nta. You were asking legit questions and she is lying to you. It’s not like it’s an unfounded accusation, you saw her do it.
EntertainmentOk6284 said:
Nta. She took your child out of bed at 4 a.m. and doesn’t want to explain where she took your child. This is an absolute no go for me as a parent. So yeah, if she doesn’t want to tell you where she took the child, I would seriously look into a divorce and child custody lawyer because that is insane.
tialaila said:
NTA for questioning where she’s taking your kids but as a woman i was always told to have a secret account where nobody has access to it other than me, either because my partner might get into trouble or they become financially abusive and i have to leave.
[deleted] said:
NTA and where was she at 4am?
koushunu said:
You have to look into this. I really hope she is not involving your child in something horrifying. But the fact that it’s in the middle of the night, she takes the baby, she is getting extra money and she doesn’t take her phone and then her reaction makes me worried for the baby.
LavenderSage013 said:
I mean, the bank account is smart. A person never know when things may go bad quickly and they need to get out. (Im not saying youre abusive or that youll become abusive). Especially when she had no income for a while and health issues. But the whole leaving at 4am with the youngest kid, leaving her phone so you couldnt track her, and then lying is weird af. Nta
A few days later, he shared this update:
Thank you everyone for replies. After work I bought a whole cheese cake and Fanta – her favorite combo and talked to her. After dinner I went up to her and said sorry that I interrogated her and was pushy and that I don’t have any doubts only concerns. She smiled and gave me a kiss and said we’ll talk after the kids went to bed.
She said at first when she started gardening, she was selling her produce in the neighborhood, but when the production increased she started selling to whole seller and the neighbors want fresh vegetables, so she started setting up garden for the neighbors in their backyard. And she has done that to 8 neighbors.
She usually takes the youngest as she needs mom as soon as she wakes up. Usually she gets a significant amount to set up a garden and then a regular maintenance charge. She has been adding the set up money in her account individually. She didn’t tell me about it because, as lots of people guessed it was for a surprise gift.
Before I met my wife, there was a weird obsession in my family about a very expensive brand watch. My dad’s dream is to own one. He died when I was 20 and for a while I wanted to be super rich and have that watch by my age now. I’ve told my wife about it in the initial stage of dating. So she was saving up for it, but was hesitant to buy a watch that expensive without talking to me.
She didn’t want me to think i’m not worthy of expensive watches??? She wanted to surprise but also wanted to talk about it. I told her I don’t want the watch I want to maybe start an retirement fund, but before that we need a vacation. She agreed quickly to that.
I showed her this post and she read it through all the comments and said, if a hundred people tells you to get a paternity test and that made me want one I can and there’s a hospital down the street, I don’t want it. We agreed on going for counseling though. There was a lot of concern about tracking her location, but we both have our phone synced to the tab and it started when she was sick,
if she was feeling sick she would press SOS and wait for me. I need her location access to get to her. And then she started using it to ask me to buy stuff on my way home. So it was agreed by both of us and we can easily turn off location if we want privacy. About the lying she wasn’t exactly lying, there is no fence between the houses in our lane and she was in our backyard for the past half hour,
I didn’t check. I checked after she left but she went to the neighbor’s backyard through their front door. She didn’t want to answer my questions because of the way I asked her. She wanted me to apologize for my tone before she tells me about it. It’s all good now. We are going to spend the whole day together and I’m not going to work today.
