“WIBTA if I refuse to put my partner on the deed of a place I inherited, even though we live there together?”
I (29F) have been with my partner (32M) for a little over 4 years. We’ve talked about building a life together, but we’re not married and we don’t have kids. Last year my aunt passed and left me her small townhouse. It’s not fancy, it’s older and kinda creaky, but it’s in a decent area and it has changed my life. Before that, I was renting and basically watching my savings evaporate every month.
After the inheritance, I used most of my savings to fix it up, new roof patches, plumbing work, replaced some unsafe outlets, boring but expensive stuff. About 7 months ago, we moved in together because his lease ended and it made sense, plus I genuinely wanted to live with him.
We split utilities and groceries, and he pays me a set amount each month that’s less than what he paid in rent before. It’s not a huge profit thing, it covers part of the property tax and repairs. I still pay the majority of the big costs, because they come up and it’s my name on everything.
Here’s the issue. Recently he started bringing up that it feels “unequal” that we both live here but I’m the only one building equity. He says he’s not trying to take my aunt’s gift, he just wants to feel secure, like if something happened between us he wouldn’t end up starting over with nothing. I do understand the fear, and I’ve tried to address it in practical ways.
I offered to write a cohabitation agreement with a lawyer, something that says he gets reimbursed if he pays into major improvements, or that I’d give him a certain amount of notice and some help if we ever split.
I even suggested we open a joint savings account only for the house, where we both contribute and then we both see where the money goes. He shut all of that down and said paperwork like that makes us sound like roommates and not partners.
Then last week he asked me, straight up, when I’m putting him on the deed. I laughed because I thought it was a joke, and he got quiet and said he was serious. He said if I really see him as my future, I should want us to own things together, and that keeping the house only in my name is me “holding power”. He also mentioned his mom thinks it’s a red flag that I’m basically his landlord.
Now I feel gross even typing that, because I don’t want that dynamic, but also I don’t want to hand over half of an asset I inherited and paid to repair, especially when we’re not married and he still has a lot of debt (student loans, some credit cards). When I said I’m not comfortable adding him to the deed, he accused me of not trusting him and said I’m acting like he’s a risk.
I told him I love him, but love doesn’t erase reality. He’s been colder since then, and keeps making comments like “must be nice to have a safety net.” WIBTA if I stick to no, even if it makes him feel insecure?
This is what people had to say to OP:
Lilacsoftlips said:
“I would love to have a safety net, let me have yours.” This should be a hard no.
Maximum_Yard_8485 said:
Don’t you DARE put him on that deed. It sounds like his mommy is in his ear about this. That aside, this man is an ass who is exhibiting some serious controlling behaviour. Red flags EVERYWHERE.
S9_noworries said:
Do not put him on the deed. My friend is on the verge of losing HER house that she found before her relationship. But because she put her bf of 7+ years on her deed and they recently broke up, she either co-habitats with him, pays him off or sells her house. She can’t afford to pay him off and she hates living with him. The only way to be free from him is to sell. She regrets adding him EVERY SINGLE DAY.
If he’s only going to keep bringing this up and essentially forcing you to add him then just cut your loss with him. No matter how you say or rephrase it, he’ll never accept anything unless you put him on the deed.
Spare-Reveal5997 said:
Absolutely do not add his name, please. “He says he’s not trying to take my aunt’s gift”…. at this moment it is untouchable. If you add him, he can take half.
Please look after this amazing asset your Aunt left you.
Shiel009 said:
NTA He can take all that money he’s saving on rent and buy his own property. Don’t do it.
