AITAH for uninviting my dad and his wife to my wedding after she asked me to give my “excess” budget to my step-sister?
Throwaway because my step-sister is chronically online.
I (26F) am getting married in October to my fiancé (27M). We are ecstatic. Here is the context: My mom passed away when I was 14. It was devastating, but she left a specific trust fund for me that was strictly designated for my education and my future wedding. She wanted to make sure I never had to stress about these big milestones.
My dad remarried three years later to Linda. Linda has a daughter, Sarah (24F), who is… a lot. Sarah has always been the free spirit (read: irresponsible with money), whereas I’ve been working since I was 16 and am currently finishing up my professional certification. My dad has always enabled them to keep the peace.
Because of my mom’s gift and my own savings, my fiancé and I are planning a really beautiful, slightly high-end wedding. We aren’t going into debt for it, but it’s definitely luxurious.
Last weekend, my dad and Linda came over for dinner. Linda started asking probing questions about the venue costs, the catering, and my dress. I thought she was just being interested, so I shared some details. Her face got sour.
She put her fork down and said, It seems incredibly wasteful to spend that much on one day when Sarah is struggling so much right now.
For context, Sarah is currently pregnant with her second child and her boyfriend just quit his job to pursue streaming.
Linda then dropped the bomb. She suggested—actually, she didn’t suggest, she told me—that I should downsize my wedding to a backyard potluck and give the remaining $20k-$30k to Sarah as a stork fund for the new baby. She said, Your mother would have wanted you to help family. She wouldn’t want you parading around in lace while your sister can’t afford a nursery.
I saw red. I told her, My mother left this money for my wedding, not to subsidize Sarah’s life choices. Do not bring my mother into this.
My dad stayed silent the whole time, just staring at his plate. When I looked at him for support, he mumbled, Well, OP, it is a lot of money just for a party… maybe you could help them out a little?
I lost it. I told them to get out of my house.
Yesterday, I sent a text to my dad saying that if he couldn’t respect my mom’s wishes and my autonomy, he and Linda shouldn’t bother coming to the wedding. Now my phone is blowing up. Linda’s relatives are messaging me saying I’m a bridezilla and that I’m punishing an innocent unborn baby because I’m greedy. My dad is texting me saying I’m tearing the family apart over money and that I need to apologize to Linda for humiliating her.
I feel like I’m going crazy. I didn’t think I was asking for much, but everyone is making me feel like a selfish monster for not sharing my inheritance. AITAH?
