AITAH for asking my girlfriend to stop going through my things instead of thanking her for cleaning up?
I just recently moved into a new place recently. From the get-go, I declined any help with unpacking from my girlfriend because I know she will ask too many questions about the things I have.
I have nothing to hide from her, but I’m tired of coming home and having to explain something new after she’d been going through my things. I just feel like my privacy isn’t being respected is the main thing.
First issue we had was her finding a picture of my ex in a wallet I haven’t opened in years. It’s where I just kept random stuff, like pizza punchcards. Her reaction was totally valid on this one. I cut the picture up and threw it away. But it resulted in an unnecessarily awkward and tense moment between us. There’s no reason she should’ve been opening my wallet. However I couldn’t voice those concerns because she had a valid reason for being upset.
Next issue was her finding a notebook of mine and then asking why I had a list of names written down. Why is she going through my notebook? The names were from something we were doing at work. This wasn’t an argument or anything. It was an innocent question on her part, but I just still felt like my privacy was violated and I felt annoyed I had to answer that question.
Issue that just happened recently. She was going through my closet and found an inhaler. I have childhood asthma and I typically don’t mention this to anyone. No one knows except my family. Why? Who cares, that’s my personal right to privacy. I always keep an inhaler however because asthma never truly goes away. She claimed she was just trying to help me clean up, but in reality she’s just rummaging through all of my things.
She’s a nurse and is now making a deal out of me having asthma. I was coughing yesterday after drinking some water and it went down the wrong pipe, and she asks me if I need my inhaler. I absolutely hate the fact that I was born with asthma. It handicapped me a lot in earlier life and stopped me from getting certain jobs I wanted. So to hear that just made me angry. She shouldn’t even know I have asthma, she shouldn’t be going through my things.
It’s just starting to get out of hand. I don’t like how nosy she is, and I don’t like having to explain myself in my own home. I have nothing to hide in terms of our relationship, but a man still has a right to his privacy.
We don’t live together, but she does have a key to my place. We work opposite shifts which results in her often being alone at my place.
To clarify because I know someone will mention it, if we were going to have kids, of course I would mention that I have asthma. It’s a great concern of mine and I have always hoped my kids don’t go through it. But we are not at that point of discussion just yet. There’s no reason for her to know.
ETA: As a commenter asked, the only thing I’m hiding is her Valentine’s Day gift. I had to specifically tell her where it’s hidden in hopes she would at least not rummage there and ruin the surprise. She has already spoiled part of it by going to my apartment on a day I asked her not to, since I left pieces out in a hurry to work. Can’t even plan a surprise for her with all this rummaging.
