AITA for giving away a military funeral flag that didn’t belong to Me.
Ok long story short I ended up with a military flag that an ex had left at my house for almost 3 years. I have repeatedly contacted him and his sister to try and return the flag to them since it was thier Dads funeral flag and he was a retired military vet and he has since passed away. The last time i had contacted the sister was probably about a year ago.
I asked for her address because I was going to send her the flag. I was tired of holding onto it. Well she never got back to me. A year has passed since the last time I tried to make contact. Well I didn’t know exactly what to do with the flag so I got ahold of a friend who is also retired from the military and I asked them for advice on what to do with it.
He said to give it to him, he would be able to take care of it for me and so I did just that. That was about 3 or 4 months ago. Well today I got a message from the sister asking about the flag and I told her I didn’t have it anymore and she blew up on me about it.
Said I was stealing from her and it wasn’t my right to get rid of it and pressuring me for the guys information to contact him. I told her no I wasn’t going to give her his information because he doesn’t know her and I don’t think he would be comfortable with me giving out information like that to a stranger. Soni refused. She got upset and said what if it was my dad’s flag and I told her well if it was me in your situation and it was that important to me I would of prioritized getting the flag back. So my question is AM I An Asshole for giving away the flag?
She Gave Away His Dad’s Military Flag—Now the Family Is Furious
AITA for giving away a military funeral flag after my ex’s family ignored me for years?
After holding onto a deceased veteran’s funeral flag for years, one woman made a decision she thought was responsible—until the family came back angry.
Let’s break it down
The backstory and early dynamics
The original poster ended a relationship and, along with the emotional baggage, was left with something heavy: her ex’s father’s military funeral flag.
The father was a retired military veteran who had passed away, and the folded flag clearly held deep symbolic meaning.
For nearly three years, she tried to do the right thing. She reached out to her ex multiple times. She contacted his sister too. At one point, she even asked for the sister’s address so she could mail the flag back herself.
No response.
Eventually, she stopped chasing.
The moment things shifted
Tired of being the unpaid keeper of a sacred item that wasn’t hers, she asked a retired military friend what to do.
His advice was simple: give it to someone who knows how to properly handle and preserve it.
So she did.
About three to four months ago, the flag was handed over to her friend, who agreed to take care of it respectfully.
Problem solved—or so she thought.
The final confrontation
Out of nowhere, the sister finally resurfaced.
Her message was simple: “Do you still have the flag?”
When the poster explained she no longer had it, the sister exploded.
She accused her of stealing.
She demanded the friend’s contact information.
She insisted the flag was never hers to give away.
The poster refused to share her friend’s personal details, saying it felt wrong to give out someone’s information to a stranger—especially without consent.
That refusal only made things worse.
The fallout
The sister hit her with an emotional gut punch:
“What if it was your dad’s flag?”
The response was blunt but honest.
If it were that important, she said, she would’ve prioritized getting it back—especially after years of silence.
Now the poster is left wondering if she crossed a moral line… or if she was simply done being ignored.
What Reddit Thinks
Verdict trend: Mostly NTA (Not the A-hole), with some mixed takes
- “You tried for years. You’re not a storage unit for someone else’s grief.”
- “It’s tragic, but responsibility goes both ways. Silence has consequences.”
- “I get why she’s upset, but accusing you of stealing after ghosting you for years? Nah.”
A smaller group felt the flag’s emotional weight demanded extra patience—but even they admitted the family dropped the ball.
A Final Thought
At what point does doing the “right thing” end when the other side refuses to show up?
Is respect about intention—or timing?
